


What About Us

by cymyguy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Female Character, Break Up, F/M, First Time, Genderswap, High School, High School Drama, Teen Pregnancy, Teen Romance, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2019-11-04 16:38:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17901701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cymyguy/pseuds/cymyguy
Summary: “What’s up?”“Well, eventually my weight, my hormone levels, probably my absences, and my hatred of you.”“Huh?”“I’m, um—”She sighed to the window, scratched at a hangnail, and looked in his direction again.“I’m pregnant."~They make an easy decision. They make themselves happy. Then life has to fuck up the picture, and easy and happy, those go right down the toilet with their future.REVISION IN PROGRESS





	1. Saturday, July 8

**Author's Note:**

> I've set this fic in an American-style high school, where they don't wear uniforms and a lot of high schoolers have their own cars. Matsun and Makki are still used as their nicknames, but they'll be referred to mostly by their firsts throughout the fic.

Takahiro had a cousin on her dad’s side, 10 years older than her. When the Hanamakis and Matsukawas lived in the same neighborhood, this cousin had babysat the toddlers Takahiro and Issei. Now the babysitter was getting married, and both families had of course been invited. Takahiro was a bridesmaid, and Issei was her boyfriend of 3 years. It was the summer before their senior year.

Issei had sworn he would dance with her, and Takahiro had sworn she wouldn’t consent to it. They ended up grazing at the buffet and heckling the older couples on the dance floor, which suited them both fine. When it was after eleven and the adults started to get a little sloshed, the pair of teens slipped away from the reception. They crossed the street to the hotel and went up to the Hanamakis’ room.

Issei took the keycard from her, ran it through, and held open the door. Takahiro stepped inside.

“And off comes the straightjacket.”

She dropped her wedges and picked up her bag, set it on the table and started to dig through the contents. Issei flopped onto the bed by the window. As she checked her phone, he raised his own and took a picture. She turned.

“Hey, are you sending that to Tooru?”

“Along with 36 others,” he said.

“And since when do your loyalties lie with her?”

“Since you put on that dress and proved her right.”

She muttered something. The dress was a flowy halter top that fell past her knees. Her cousin called the color dusty rose. Takahiro called it fairy puke.

“That color is actually fucking flawless on you though,” said her boyfriend.

She laughed once, then again to distract from the pinking of her face.

“Kay, but I’m still gonna take it off.”

“Well not right here, right? I am human.”

“Isn’t following a bridesmaid up to her room to try to get lucky what guys do at weddings?”

“My girlfriend would kick my ass for that. And then get her friends to kick my ass.”

She gave a thumbs up and went into the bathroom. Issei had sent a picture to Hajime, who responded.

_HAJAAAAY: Damn._

_HAJAAAAY: I think this is the first time i’ve seen makki clean up_

_Me: Ik dude she looks like a college girl i picked up from some fuckin cocktail party_

_Me: She wore fuckin heels dude_

_HAJAAAAY: I’ll pray to ur ancestors for u, focus on not popping a boner in ur slacks_

_Me: Only way to prevent that is taking them off_

She came out of the bathroom, observing that Issei had changed clothes, taken out his contacts and put on his glasses and the TV. She chewed at her small smile until it went away, then she said:

“Isn’t this a cute shirt? She bribed me with it.”

It was a tee in the same pinky color, with “I survived the Heto-Hanamaki wedding” on the front in black.

“Why didn’t we all get one?”

She laughed.

“What did I get in that little giftbag,” he said, “Probably a souvenir magnet and some bubbles.”

She sat on the bed beside him, crossing her legs. Her phone vibrated, and she glared at him, then showed the screen. Tooru had sent a tirade of hearts and emojis.

“Bastard.”

She tossed her phone and started to take the pins out of her updo. Their stabbing had made little aches all over her head, and on a normal day something like that would have her pissed off three times over and ready to kick a bear in the balls, but she happened to like her cousin, and any day she got to see Matsun in a collared shirt couldn’t, by rule, be all bad. She didn’t know for sure if that was the reason she felt so shy now, that it seemed necessary to sneak looks at him. It didn’t work anyway, because he was trying to look at her too, as piece by piece the curls fell to her shoulders. They caught eyes. Her smile normally didn’t crack her lips, but this one did, all biggish in her cheeks, and she actually looked away as she fought it down.

“What’s with that?”

She smirked, reached over and started to run her fingers through the hair above his ear.

“I really like those glasses. Have I told you that before?”

“No.”

“Well kick me.” She leaned closer. “I really really like them.”

Her top lip brushed the shell of his ear, then she grazed it with her teeth.

“You should curl your hair more often,” he said.

“No.” She returned to the pins. “It’s too much work.”

“Let Tooru do it.”

“You think just because I wore that dress I don’t have any pride left?”

A quiet bit passed, and then she caught his eyes on her again, and tried to look annoyed but only managed to smile.

“ _Stop_ looking at me. You better take those off.”

She leaned down and combed through the leftover waves, checking for anymore pins. After watching a moment, her boyfriend said:

“Or what?”

She flipped her hair back up and looked at him.

“I don’t know. Or you’ll regret it, or something like that?”

He pushed the glasses tighter to his face. “I don’t think I will.”

Takahiro laughed. “Idiot.”

She touched his shoulder as she kissed him. Her free hand snuck over his lap, and when she pulled away she held up the stolen remote.

“I know it’s Saturday and you’re planning on watching _Snapped_ all night, but I had to shave my legs for today so it’s not happening, my dude.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah check it.”

She stretched one leg in front of him. He ran his hand up from her ankle.

“Hot damn.”

“And sorry, but I’ve decided I’m not doing it for your wedding no matter what my role is.”

She swept all the curls to one side, and settled into flicking channels. The difference in the rosy pink hair was still attracting him, and he didn’t bother to be sneaky about watching her. When she caught him she only rolled her eyes and returned to the television.

“Wedding shows? Thanks but no fucking thanks.”

Issei leaned toward her.

“Hey.”

She turned, and closed the kiss for him. His hand came onto her waist. She pulled back.

“Was someone sneaking you drinks from the bar or what?”

She still consented to his next lean. As they kissed, his other hand went up into the tangle of curls, rubbing them through his fingers. She pushed him back by the shoulders.

“You’re crazy.”

But as she looked at him in his spectacles, she sighed short, got up on her knees and rested her arms on his shoulders to kiss him. He put both hands at her waist. Soon his arms were wrapped entirely around her, and she pushed back from him once again.

“Matsun what the hell are you doing?”

“Sorr—”

She put her hand over his mouth.

“Well don’t do that.”

As she kissed him again, she moved her knees and held herself over his lap. Now Issei was the one to pull away.

“Do you know what _you’re_ doing?”

“Nope.” She swung her hips closer. “Do you not like it?”

“What part of me are you asking about?”

She turned her head away and laughed. A smile ghosted his face until she turned back to him.

“I can tell you like it,” she said. She settled on his legs, and her voice got lower and softer. “Those pretty eyes are getting prettier.”

She kissed him, holding tightly around his neck. His arms encircled her like they had before. With one hand he found the bottom of some curls and tugged gently at them. She started to smile into the kiss.

“You’re ruining the moment,” he said.

She forced her tongue into his mouth, laughing when he jerked away. He gave her a hard look as he wiped his mouth on his arm.

Suddenly he grabbed her and twisted them, bringing her underneath, held close as he planted his knees so he could set her gently against the pillows. They kissed again, lips locking in the practiced way, warm like home.

He pulled back when he felt her tongue swipe his lip.

“Now who’s crazy?”

She stuck out her tongue, showing off the silver piercing. Issei kissed her, and she swiped his lip again. Her tongue snaked against his for a second as she turned her head and pressed in deep. They parted and she opened her eyes, then dropped her head back.

“Seriously, you can’t have those on every time I look.”

“You wear them then.”

“You’re ready for total surrender?”

“No.” He stooped to kiss her neck.

“Hey, Matsun. Do you have a condom?”

He stopped, and during his pause, the room changed a few degrees. He leaned back and put one hand on the wall as he looked down at her.

“My dad has some, I saw him packing them. Opportunistic bastard.”

She smiled. Then said:

“Would you wanna go get one?”

“Would you want me to?”

She stretched up to kiss his bottom lip, sweetly. She smiled.

“Yeah, you better.”

If he had ever intended to resist, it would be impossible now.

 

The TV was still on, but with Issei gone from the room, silence seemed in control. Takahiro combed her fingers through her hair; being alone, all her nerves ebbed away and her confidence returned to front and center, and all her movements felt slower, languid and sexy like a music video. She stretched her legs open, breathed deep as her hips spread; so she wore heels for an hour and now she was a horny slut?

Her heart was beating a wild rhythm. Her skin was tingling, and she knew it would go away if they left off here, but she didn’t want it to fade, like every other time. She wanted it to melt away when he touched her. She wanted him to come back in with those glasses on. She didn’t want to let him down, ask him to gather it back in when she’d stoked it up herself, even though he would understand, even though he wouldn’t be mad.

If she were to ask anyone right now, they’d basically all tell them they shouldn’t, but so what? They hadn’t for 3 years, had been wearing the proof since sophomore year, and she was definitely proud, and it did seem like kind of a waste if the promise was only going to hold this long…She watched the TV light flicker over the end of the bed, and turned the purity ring on her finger.

When she heard the card sliding through the lock, she looked around hurriedly, and at the urge grabbed a pillow and hugged it to her chest. She hid her smile with it as he came in. He paused next to the bathroom, looking at her. The door fell shut.

“Honestly I thought you were gonna lock me out.”

She smirked a pretty smirk. Then as he came closer, she said:

“Honestly it didn’t occur to me.”

Issei tossed the packet onto the mattress.

“Maybe you actually want to as much as me, then.”

He was on his knees in front of her. He put out his hand in the familiar way, his fingers settling at the bottom of her hairline and his thumb at her jaw.

“Maybe,” said Takahiro.

She grabbed his neck; the pillow was still between them as they kissed, and as he pulled back for a breath of relief from her obscenely talented lips. Takahiro, watching him, shook her head with another tiny smirk, and kissed him again. His glasses inched down his nose, and he put his hand to the earpiece.

“If I take these off you won’t get turned off, will you?” he said.

“Hmm.” Her hand flitted over his shoulder and down his bicep. “I think I have enough to work with.”

He took off the glasses and reached to set them on the nightstand. She moved the pillow.

“What the fuck dude.”

He looked where she was looking. At his crotch.

“You’re already—” She put the pillow back over the bulge in his boxers, then smiled at him. “Sorry, but it’s fucking weird in person.”

“Thanks for the confidence booster.”

“Obviously you don’t need it.”

He smirked, though the telltale spot in his cheeks was reddening. She had never seen a full blush in him, but she had seen that tiny blotch at the back of his cheek more than anyone else, and right now she appreciated it more than they ever could. He was nervous, a little, a good, warm kind, just like her. She lightened the pressure on the pillow covering him, and looked at the floor as she talked.

“I wouldn’t judge you, okay, I’ve got no fucking business doing that.”

She met his eyes, and the fact that he was paying serious attention eased her blush. She still looked away before her next admission.

“I don’t…shave. Down there. Is that super fucking gross? Is it crossing a line?”

He blinked at her, then snorted.

“I’m so shocked, Alexa play _I Knew You Were Trouble When You Walked In_.”

“Hey, are you fucking memeing to cover for the fact that you’re super grossed out?”

“You’re not gross.” He leaned close. “You’re super cool.”

He kissed her, and pushed the pillow out of their way.

~ 

She loosened her grip around his neck and sagged back, eyes closed. He eased her onto the pillow, then turned and pulled up a bottom corner of the comforter to wipe his hand on the sheet. Then he flopped onto his back next to her.

She rolled over, pressing her chest onto his, her hair falling over him and the pillow. She smiled against his lips, and said:

“What are we supposed to do for fun anymore?”

He kissed her. “Don’t know.” He kissed her again, bringing his hand up to pull through the back of her hair. A tiny whimper came out of her, a sound no one ever could have heard before, and he felt want flooding his engine all over again. A want to be everything for her.

But she was cool, and he didn’t want her to think he wasn’t, so he didn’t say anything but:

“Did it hurt at all?”

“Is that a trick question?”

“Don’t spare me.”

She laughed once. “No it didn’t.”

“Broke our promise,” he said.

“I know,” she sighed at his ear. But it wasn’t a bad sounding sigh.

Their lips sealed together, and it felt the same as always, yet somehow a hundred times more familiar. She rolled off him. He sat, then stood, pulling his boxers up from his ankles.

“Pleasure doing business with you.”

She put her foot into his back and shoved him. “Asshole.”

Issei went toward the bathroom.

“I’ll hide the evidence.”

Takahiro got off the bed. Her stomach squirmed a little as she dug around the sheets for her underwear. She put on her shorts, then straightened up the bed and picked up the pillows. When her boyfriend reappeared, she pointed at the door.

“Alright last piece of evidence, get out.”

“What? No, I’m not leaving.”

“Yes, you are, because even if we hadn’t done anything my parents would assume stuff if they found us in here alone, and now the place probably smells like sex so their radars are gonna go off for sure.”

“I can’t go back, obviously my parents—one of them, at least, is planning on taking it back with some retro activities.”

“You wanna take your chances with my parents?” she hissed.

“Come on, you’re not gonna make me do the walk of shame at a hotel. That’s just fucking cold.”

She half laughed. “Fine, arrange your long-ass legs inconspicuously.”

She jerked up the top sheet and got under it, lying on her side and facing away from the window. He turned off the lamp, then sat down on the other side of the mattress, leaning back against the pile of decorative pillows.

He reached over her to steal the remote from the nightstand; it made her smile.

They didn’t say anything else, nothing at all. After a while Issei sunk onto his back and looked mildly at the ceiling. He rubbed his hands over his face, the corners of his mouth twitching toward a smile. Takahiro nuzzled against the generically clean-smelling hotel pillow and beamed into the dark room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's probably not obvious to most people that I enjoy a great plethora of Haikyuu ships, and Matsuhana is really high on the list! I'll do my best with my first try at them. And never fear! I'll continue to update my Kagehinas, I can't bear to be away from them for long.


	2. Saturday, August 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Their breakup date, you've been warned
> 
> the parenthesis contain links to pics and gifs that I personally feel necessary to the integrity of Matsuhana's character but that you are under no obligation to click on

_Me: ([eric andre screaming let me in](https://www.google.com/search?biw=1280&bih=603&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=49l4XLumBI60sQWy877oBQ&q=eric+andre+let+me+in&oq=eric+andre+let+me+in&gs_l=img.3..0l10.26711.31113..31251...0.0..4.296.4576.0j11j11......2....1..gws-wiz-img.....0..0i67.zvN07PnZR5w#imgrc=kiaJLa1_nYkq_M:))_

_Me: Tooru at star wars_

_Issei😝😘: Lmao or my dad when he comes home drunk_

_Me: 😂_

_Me: My mom at the post office at 4:01_

_Issei: My mom when ur in my room_

_Me: 😂😆lol_

_Issei: Star wars is this year yea_

_Me: She watched the trailer at my house and popped a boner over luke skywalkers old ass_

_Issei: A gold digger for jedi power_

_Me: Lol_

_Me: Cant say much i pop one for carrie fisher every damn time_

_Issei: 😙fuckin nice_

_Issei: A chewbacca man myself_

_Issei: Dat hairy ass_

_Me: Ur literally admitting ur a furry for chewbacca?_

_Issei: Does he have tits under all that hair cuz no tits might be a deal breaker_

_Me: What if he has an udder_

_Issei: Fuckin hell he might_

_Issei: By suckling directly from the teet of the wookie u gain immortality_

_Me: That means han solos coming back in this movie_

_Issei: Lol what makes u think he suckled_

_Me: They dicked around on a ship for how many years, he’s suckled everything there is to suckle_

_Issei: 😂lol han solos a fucking furry_

_Me: Send that to tooru no context i dare u_

_Issei: U send it_

_Me: I will she won’t read it til tmrw_

_Me: So udder but no tits u still into him?_

_Issei: Yea he’s cool i can do udder_

_Me: Such an openminded young man_

_Issei: Fuck makki don’t call me a young man r we gonna grow up r we gonna graduate_

_Me: My mom already pulled out the old photo albums_

_Me: Idk if that means she’ll be mourning for a long time or if she’s doing it a year in advance cuz she’s fuckin ready_

_Issei: Every time my mom calls u a woman im like fuck and my dads like fuck_

_Me: Whats that mean u and ur dad gang up to diss me_

_Issei: No he has a stroke and idk_

_Issei: What to think_

_Me: Probably same if i heard ur mom call me a woman_

_Me: We’re not allowed to say it in this house my dad flips out_

_Issei: Lol saw that coming_

_Issei: Hey do u wanna see star wars_

_Issei: After all the nerd hypes done_

_Me: Sounds cool_

_Issei: Cool_

_Issei: Its almost like we have a date planned_

_Me: And ur asking me out half a year in advance of said date_

_Issei: I’m old fashioned_

_Me: Hi old fashioned i’m horny_

_Issei: 🤣🤣🤣makki_

_Issei: For real tho_

_Me: We should be making out rn_

_Issei: Ur hot_

_Issei: Come over_

_Me: ([eric andre screaming let me in](https://www.google.com/search?biw=1280&bih=603&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=eNl4XP_QLcqUsgWUqK6gDg&q=eric+andre+let+me+in&oq=eric+andre+let+me+in&gs_l=img.3..0l10.57994.61958..62144...0.0..2.273.4961.0j10j13......2....1..gws-wiz-img.....0..0i24j0i67.5v16ABQsmFQ#imgrc=kiaJLa1_nYkq_M:))_

_Issei: 😂_

_Issei: Fucking stop ur not the funny one take that away from me and i have no argument for how i made it this far_

_Me: Lol_

_Issei: Say something supportive_

_Me: ([in your world you can do anything that you want-bob ross](https://www.google.com/search?biw=1280&bih=603&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=uNl4XL7PCcj4sgWZobv4BA&q=bob+ross+in+your+world+you+can+do+anything&oq=bob+ross+in+your+world+you+can+do+anything&gs_l=img.3...34707.41781..41887...1.0..6.311.10485.0j11j31j3......2....1..gws-wiz-img.....0..0i67j0.DUK1qiC26aE#imgrc=wfqMFJZHP-vlQM:))_

_Issei: Wow_

_Me: All i got for self esteem was ur hot_

_Issei: That wud go a long way for me_

_Me: If u were a camboy I’d subscribe to u_

_Issei: 🤭😙😙😙😉thanks babe im always ur private camboy_

_Me: Matsun stfu its 2 in the morning_

_Issei: Y would that make u any less of a babe_

_Me: Im done_

_Issei: No whats our fursonas_

_Issei: One minute to find a pic then post at 2:08_

_Me: U do me i do u_

_Me: ([open season ian the deer](https://www.google.com/search?biw=1280&bih=603&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=bNd4XLuVEo-ytQXlz4TwDw&q=open+season+ian&oq=open+season+ian&gs_l=img.3..0i30j0i8i30l3j0i24.29903.33798..34054...0.0..1.403.3210.0j4j7j1j1......1....1..gws-wiz-img.ai3UilFZgcw#imgrc=3QE8t7cB05iELM:))_

_Issei: ([baby rufus the naked mole rat](https://www.google.com/search?biw=1280&bih=603&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=j9d4XJjaGsysswXKu56ICA&q=kim+possible+rufus+baby&oq=kim+possible+rufus+baby&gs_l=img.3..0.414102.419325..419494...1.0..5.376.6357.0j7j17j3......2....1..gws-wiz-img.....0..0i8i30j0i24j0i67.Tb5R2lCfaTk#imgrc=UgwOpmySFf0kxM:))_

_Me: 🖕🖕🖕🖕_

_Issei: 😶😂I thought i was still talking to man eater makki_

_Me: I show u mercy and u show me fucking rufus_

_Issei: U can go now i’ve done enough damage_

_Me: Just a sec i was productive in my minute and i also got hajime’s fursona_

_Me: ([little critter](https://www.google.com/search?biw=1280&bih=603&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=M9l4XND2PIuUtQWMmLjoCg&q=little+critter+i+was+so+mad&oq=little+critter+i+was+so+mad&gs_l=img.3..0j0i24.61404.67554..67689...3.0..4.314.7326.0j11j20j2......2....1..gws-wiz-img.....0..0i67j0i10j0i30j0i8i30.4W2pbANOzEE#imgrc=q6W9SjhhHlQx2M:))_

_Issei: Makki i will fucking piss myself_

_Me: U started it_

_Me: But same_

 

The four of them were meeting up the next afternoon, and when she saw him alone on the park bench, the 2 a.m. feeling returned, and she smiled. She felt a lot more dumb and immature in daylight, but there was nobody else around, _and_ he’d gotten his undercut cleaned up since the last time she saw him. She snuck up as quietly as possible and wrapped her arms around his neck. She planted a kiss on his cheek. Issei tried to turn, eyes flashing up toward her as his little spot colored. She craned her neck and kissed him soundly on the mouth. Once she pulled away, she dropped her chin onto his shoulder so he wouldn’t see her smile.

“What’s up?”

His phone was open on the messaging screen; she read a girl’s name at the top. Her heart went off the drop tower and landed in her stomach.

She dropped her arms and backed away. He didn’t move, didn’t look at her.

“Who are you talking to?”

“Um, a friend.”

He turned. She had a seriously wounded expression, but her voice was level, too level to make him easy.

“Can I see?”

His face was full of reluctance, but he handed the phone over. Takahiro scrolled up the conversation; Issei’s car problems, a picture of some football cleats, the weather. She felt her face cooling off. But that didn’t mean she was _cool_ with this. She handed his phone back.

“Shigeru Yahaba?”

“She’s a cheerleader, she rides the game bus with us.”

“I _know_ she’s a cheerleader, and I know she’s fucking cute too.”

He scoffed. “So?”

“So? So you’re not going to deny that?”

He shrugged. “She’s cute. But she’s not my girlfriend.”

“But it’s good to have a backup plan, right, I get it.”

“Oh come on.”

She was walking away, but heard him get up and start to follow her, so she stopped and turned back around. She put a hand on her hip.

“What do you talk about?”

“School?” He shrugged. “Football?”

“Were you talking to her while you were talking to me last night?”

“No, Makki.”

She tried to see a tick somewhere, but he didn’t show one.

“Look, it’s just a casual thing,” he said, “I just talk to her like I talk to the guys on the team. Kay?”

“It’s a casual thing that you wish I hadn’t found out about.” She looked away. “You knew it’d piss me off.”

“I know it pisses girls off in general.”

Fire spit from her eyes. “I _will_ kick you in the balls.”

He put his hands up, taking a step back.

“Do you wanna say anything to me?” she said. “Do you wanna tell me I’m not giving you enough attention? Do you want me to apologize for having a job?”

“I have a job too. What is this, Makki, I’m not allowed to have friends?”

“I don’t care how many friends you have.”

She turned to leave.

“What the fuck does that mean?”

She kept walking.

“You obviously care what _kind_ of friends they are.”

He was alone on the bench when their friends arrived.

“Where’s Makki?” said Hajime. “I thought we were the late ones.”

“If someone would’ve worn what I told him to wear in the first place, we wouldn’t have had to—”

“She went home.”

Issei got up and walked off. The couple exchanged a look.

“Oh—Are you going home too?”

“Yeah.”

Later she sent him a SpongeBob meme, and he answered. They didn’t mention the argument, and in a couple days the tension had eased away.

 

Then there was Tooru’s birthday. Issei came to pick her up for the party, and there was already a girl with him, in the passenger seat. Takahiro didn’t notice until she was halfway down the sidewalk, and some of her surprise definitely betrayed her in the angry flush on her neck. But she stopped it before it got into her cheeks, and putting on her best neutral face, walked up to the car.

“Sup.”

“Hey,” said Issei.

“Hey Makki,” said Shigeru. She had her hand on the door, probably waiting for Takahiro to order her out of the car. She at least understood the awkwardness of the situation, so that was something. Takahiro slid into the back and swung a kick into the driver’s seat.

“Mush.”

Issei pulled off the curb, and the car was quiet. Takahiro kept her eyes on her phone, refusing to make the first effort at normality. Anyway, she was busy trying not to hate the girl wearing the cute, short sundress, while she was in her black jeans and the jacket she’d thought was cool enough for a birthday bash.

“Tooru’s invite was really cute,” Shigeru said. “I think it was the first decent use of Snapchat in history.”

“Oh yeah, she was cute,” said Takahiro. “Only took 28 tries to get it like that.”

Shigeru laughed, as Issei said:

“Oh shit, were you helping her?”

“I was off camera throwing the confetti.”

He snorted.

“I didn’t have to get her a gift, though, so.”

“So, she’s 18 already?” said Shigeru. “Does that mean she’s like almost a year older than Hajime?”

“That is a taboo subject.”

“We don’t talk about it,” Issei said, shaking his head gravely.

When they got there, Takahiro resisted the urge to pull him to her hip and latch on in front of the other girl. Instead she walked away from them both. But Issei hurried around the car to catch her arm.

“Makki—”

She looked at him.

“I’d already said I could give her a ride before you got all pissed about this,” he mumbled. “It was too late to back out.”

“Yeah, I get it.”

She pulled her arm out of his hand.

“Are you gonna ignore me all night?” he said.

“I’m gonna find Hajime and Tooru.”

She found Tooru first, bumping hips and toned asses with her volleyball team near the stage where the band was playing. Tooru’s parents were fucking ridiculous with these yearly parties, so Takahiro could hardly blame the girl in the blue tutu dress and the tastefully glittery eyeliner, with the tiara sitting on her perfectly even brown waves. Tooru saw her and beamed, wading her way over.

“Makkiiiiii, hey. Okay I know I said you didn’t have to bring a present, but there is something I really want from you and it just so happens that you brought all the necessary tools with you.”

“You want me to pierce you? Believe it or not I don’t actually carry my mom’s kit around with me.”

“Haha, very funny. Please say yes, for my 18th birthday?”

“What do you want?”

“For you to kiss me. To kiss me _real_ good. You know I’ve always thought about it and I’m sick of Matsun bragging, I want the experience! Hajime’s cool with it too, totally.”

“Kay. It’ll fuck up your lipstick though, so we better wait a while.”

Tooru smirked her terrible, adorable smirk.

“Shigeru thought your invitation was cute,” Takahiro said.

“Hm? Shigeru—Yahaba? Wait, did you—Did you say something to her? Was there like, a thing?”

“There was kind of a thing, but I didn’t start it.”

She pursed her lips in the most dramatic, most Tooru way. “What did he do.”

“She was in the car with him when he came to get me.”

“No.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my gosh, for real?”

“Forget it, it’s your birthday.” She smiled. “Happy birthday.”

Tooru grinned and hugged her. “Thanks.”

“Where’s your boyfriend?”

She rolled her eyes. “He said I’m acting like a ‘princess’ and he doesn’t want to be around me when I’m like that.”

“You’re _his_ princess.”

“I know! He’s just mad that I don’t have any attention to give him today, I guess.”

“I’ll entertain him if you promise to keep Matsun the hell away from me.”

“Deal, deal, if I even see him.”

Hajime was in a chair by the wall in the emptiest corner of the room. He held a plastic cup, and barely looked at Takahiro before returning his focused gaze into the distance.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” She sat next to him. “Rum?”

“You and me both wish.”

“Nah.” She bumped his shoulder. “Clear head, the better to see her with.”

“The better _everyone_ can see her.”

“Normally I would admire your determination to find a problem when literally nothing between you can qualify as one. But I’m not in the mood to humor anyone tonight, and I have to scrap together everything I can for her.” She gestured.

“Trust me, if there’s ever a day when she doesn’t need anything from you _or_ me, it’s today.”

She rolled her eyes, but smirked, and settled shoulder to shoulder with him. All it ever took to snap him out of his shitty moods was an activity he enjoyed.

“Where’d the heels go?”

“Right here.” He kicked one.

“Damn. Her thighs get that super sexy curve in them.”

“I know,” he said, a little strained.

“She just flashed you some hamstring.”

He scoffed. “Why would she?”

“She just did, bent over and her tutu flipped up.”

He laughed. “Tutu. She totally doesn’t know it is, but it is.”

“She looks mature though. Somehow.” She rolled her eyes. “She looks grown up, doesn’t she?”

She smiled even before she looked sideways at him.

“Yeah.”

“You like her hair like that?”

“My favorite. Except the game day ponytail.”

She punched his head playfully.

“Did you see her lips up close?” he said.

“Yeah, that’s called nude.”

“Good to know.”

Tooru was doing the Macarena now, and as she put her hands onto her hips she shook her tutu, then looked over her shoulder right in their direction.

“Okay, that was intentional,” he said. Takahiro snorted.

“That lace-up back is cute too.”

“Her skin’s so nice there.”

“She used to have acne there.”

“Seriously?”

“Her problem area, in middle school,” she said.

“I love her.”

She smirked again and patted his shoulder.

“You’re alright, Iwaizumi.”

The smile slipped off her face as Issei walked up.

“Hey.”

He sat down on Hajime’s other side.

“Hey bud.”

“Nobody told me we were wallflowering, I would’ve dressed more comfortably.”

Takahiro leaned forward. “So, sweats without the cuffs?”

“Wow. _These_ are joggers.”

“Come on guys, this is fun,” Hajime said. “Watch.”

He cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled across the room, right as Tooru did a stripper pole drop in the middle of all her teammates.

“THAT’S MY GIRL.”

He whooped. Her head whipped around and she glared, waving him off. He smirked and held up eight fingers. She copied his eight, and added two middle fingers. He made a face. She stuck out her tongue, then went back to dancing.

“Wow, you guys are gross,” said Issei.

“Yeah.” Takahiro stood up. “I’m gonna get a drink.”

Hajime frowned as she walked past him. He looked at Issei.

“Um, what the hell?”

Issei shrugged.

“What—What’s with you two? I thought you were cool.”

“Yeah, well, according to her I’m fucking up a lot lately.”

He left his chair.

Takahiro didn’t have a bad time hanging with other friends and guest starring in a few Snapchat stories. As people started to tucker out and try to sneak away from dancing without Tooru catching them, Takahiro took pity and marched over to sweep her friend up for herself.

“Dance with me.”

“Makki, I’m so tired,” she whined.

Takahiro ignored the lie. “Well if we’re gonna get freaky I’ve gotta warm you up to me a little bit.”

They danced for a minute, until Tooru groaned:

“Makki, I don’t _want_ to dance with you, because you dance like that Florence lady. You watch too many of her videos.”

“You dance like Ariana Grande, and you actually think she’s _good_.”

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that since it’s my birthday and I’m tired, but if I ever hear it again—”

Takahiro’s next step landed between her legs; she pressed her thigh right up into her business.

“Do you remember the tango, from PE?”

“Middle school PE?” Tooru scoffed.

But as Takahiro kept stepping, Tooru couldn’t help going along, then taking the lead when it became obvious that she remembered much better. They laughed when their hips clashed painfully. Takahiro ducked her head to brush her nose in the spot under her friend’s jaw.

“Matsun’s cool with it, right?” Tooru said. “I can’t see him caring, but.”

“You know, I’m not sure what he’d think of it. So let’s—” she tugged her arm—“Go where lots of people will see.”

“Are you sure?”

“Unless you were planning on more of a seven minutes in heaven kind of thing.”

“Okay, I don’t think Hajime would be as accepting of that.”

She led her past everyone else who was still dancing, until they were occupying the completely empty space between dancers and loiterers. Takahiro held onto her hands as she got them moving again. Tooru looked around as they began to draw attention.

“Everyone _can_ see us. You’re so bold, Makki.” She giggled. “You have to be, to woo Matsun of all people…”

“Woo him my ass, satan could woo him if he owns a cheerleader outfit.”

“Not true, not true.” Tooru tried to sooth and distract her at once, turning around and shaking her butt into her.

“It’s all good. I’m not wooing him right now.” She turned Tooru back around and caught her by the shoulders, pulling her close. “I’m wooing you.”

She smiled. “Woo away!”

Before she could get any closer, though, Tooru stopped her with a hand on her chin.

“Wait, just so you know, if Hajime tries to say we made a deal that he could kiss you too he’s lying, okay, and I never agreed to anything.”

She rolled her eyes. How did the poor bastard ever get anything done with this one?

“Also, if you tell me I suck I’ll hate you, but you know whose fault it is—”

She pushed their lips together. When she met Tooru, Takahiro had been at what one might call a critical age; after an entire summer of wallowing in K-pop girl groups and her mother’s unearthed Spears CDs, coming into direct contact with this particular 7th-grader on the second day of school was basically a sucker punch to the burgeoning bisexual. If anything like this had happened between them back then, it probably would have been disastrous to her life, definitely detrimental to her happiness. But since it was happening now, it was just cool.

She pulled away with a smirk, and put Tooru’s waves back into place.

“Some of my finest work, for my _finest_ friend.”

Tooru, instead of smiling, thanking, or even blushing, pouted.

“Just how freaking much do you guys practice?”

She rolled her eyes.

“Do you use those magazine websites, because I’ve tried those and it’s literally just 30-something wives giving stupidly coy answers to important interview questions, there’s absolutely nothing technical whatsoever.”

“I think we were the grand finale.” Takahiro was looking around at the dispersing and departing.

“You now have my permission to do some private tutoring with Hajime. Some things can’t be helped, obviously, like your lips being ten times softer, but you can teach tact.”

“Hey.” Takahiro smiled, and hugged her. “Happy birthday bitch.”

Tooru hugged her back, a hum of affection vibrating in her chest.

“Hey, how are you getting home?”

“I’m about to figure that out.”

She slid along the dark wall of the rec center until she found Hajime, who had somehow ended up holding Tooru’s shoes, her tiara, and her clutch stuffed with emergency makeup.

“Hey, you have your dad’s car?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I get a ride?”

“Uh—I don’t think that’s a very good idea,” he said. She could see his frown even in the dark. “You guys should probably work this out before anyone else gets involved.”

“He’s got some cheerleader to drive home, I wouldn’t want him to go out of his way.”

“I don’t think I should,” said Iwaizumi.

“Fine, I’ll call my dad.”

“Sorry, Mak.”

She didn’t have to wait for his text; when she woke up the next morning it was there.

_Issei 😝😘: Who took u back?_

_Me: My daddy_

Just to piss him off.

 

Tooru FaceTimed her boyfriend the day after the party to discuss this horrible turn of events.

“—he quite obviously literally wasn’t thinking.”

“Okay, but you’re getting all this from Makki’s perspective,” said Hajime. “Of course she’s going to tell you it was awkward and it hurt. But we shouldn’t assume he was being an ass until we can hear his side of things.”

“I didn’t say he was an ass, I’m saying he really fucked up at the wrong time, why would he do that?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t know he was even driving anyone else. But he’s gonna be here like soon, and we’re gonna listen to what he has to say.”

“I don’t think it’s fair to Makki that I listen to what he has to say. Since you’re already on his side, I’m going to stay safely on hers because I’m loyal like that.”

“Pf. What happened to loyalty to your boyfriend, first and foremost? I feel like Makki and I are getting screwed the same way.”

He was spared her tirade by Issei’s entering into his room.

“He’s here.”

Registering that Tooru was present on chat, he groaned.

“You can’t all hate me at the same time, it’s really not fair.”

“We don’t hate you.”

“One of us doesn’t,” she clarified.

“We don’t hate you,” Hajime said again. “We want to hear your side of the story.”

“There’s no story.”

He flopped onto Hajime’s bed, and his friend sat next to him and aimed the camera at him as he talked.

“I told her that I’d already agreed to drive Shigeru before she got all bent out of shape, so I had to do it anyway.”

“On my birthday, Matsun?” said Tooru. “When you were going out together? How do you think she felt?”

“She shouldn’t have to feel anything about it, it was just a ride.”

“You should’ve told her beforehand,” Hajime said.

“Yeah, that was a pretty shitty-ass surprise.”

“If I would’ve told her she’d refuse to go with me at all,” said Issei.

“And for her that would’ve been a better option! Why’d you have to give this girl a ride anyway? If she got my Snapchat she’s obviously popular enough to have other friends. Why do _you_ have to be the nice guy?”

“Because the rest of her friends _aren’t_ popular enough to be invited to Regina George’s party.”

“How is that my fault? And don’t call me Regina George!”

“Hey.” Hajime was stern. “I’m the only one on your side right now, so don’t piss me off too.”

He sighed. “I take it back, Tooru.”

“Thank you Haji.” She smiled her golden smile.

“Don’t call me that, Regina.”

“Ah!”

“What _I_ want to know,” Tooru said then, “Is did you offer this girl a ride? Or did _she_ ask for one?”

“I asked if she was going and she asked if I would mind picking her up.”

“That whore.”

“ _Hey_ ,” said Hajime. “I thought we both agreed it’s not cool to talk about girls like that.”

“Sorry,” she sniffed. “But she knows he has a girlfriend and she _should_ know she has no business asking for a favor like that.”

“Well she knows he’s a nice guy,” Hajime pointed out.

“Which is exactly why she shouldn’t! If she’s purposely trying to fuck with Makki I swear—”

“But if he told her it was just a ride, she should trust him when he says that,” said Hajime. He turned to Issei. “I don’t think she distrusts you.”

He sighed. “Why else would she be mad about me talking to someone?”

“Whether or not it was nice or just a favor or whatever,” said Tooru, “Can we at least agree that what you did was stupid, Matsun? If you _have_ to give her a ride, you pick up Makki first and go get her second, because everyone knows the third wheel sits in the back seat and if it’s Makki back there, then what are you implying?”

“Or if you would’ve just told me about it,” said Hajime, “I could’ve picked her up instead. I know her just as well, and I’m not the one who just had a fight about it.”

Issei stared at him, mouth a little open, wondering why _he_ had to be the idiot of this friend group, until Tooru interrupted the pause with impressively explosive sass.

“I’m sorry, you would do _what_? On your _girlfriend’s birthday_? And you know her just as well, hm? Obviously she doesn’t know _me_ very well, because if she honestly thinks the cheerleading captain can compete with the volleyball captain—”

Hajime ended the chat, and Issei stared at him again. The guy was too brave for his own good, sometimes.

“Looks like it would’ve been worse for you,” Issei said.

“I can handle that shit. But I think we can agree that this whole thing has been a little harder on you guys than stuff like this usually is. Makki seems more seriously bothered.”

“She can get over it,” he said coolly.

Because he knew she would get over it. Takahiro knew too.

But he still felt like an asshole. A few days later, when she opened their shared Spotify account to check for the upload of Lana Del Rey’s new album, it was to discover that he had bumped them up to premium. The album was already added to her playlist.

They’d been saving their free premium trial for some future special thing they could both enjoy unlimitedly, so she could have been mad at him for blowing it, if she wanted. Instead she sent him a screenshot, and a message:

 _Me:_ _I’ll only make you listen to the best one_

 

They seemed cool. But with work shifts, college visits, applications, and registration for senior year classes, he was getting a lot of “sorry” and “can’t” from her, so it was kind of hard to be sure, and it was kind of starting to piss him off.

_Me: I wanna get baskin robins u in? We can see a movie or smth_

_Takahiro❤️😜😏: Going to the imm office with my mom_

_Takahiro: I would say tmrw but baskin robins isn’t the kind of thing that can wait_

_Me: No it can’t_

_Me: Its p convenient that u have all these excuses ready to make into plans as soon as u need to blow me off_

_Takahiro: Dude._

_Takahiro: The fucking immigration office is a convenient excuse u fucking asswipe_

_Me: No but u sure have a lot of responsibilities and shit now that u don’t want to be around me_

_Takahiro: Newsflash people our age do have responsibilities and ur immature af_

_Me: Ur a bitch_

_Takahiro: U shouldn’t give a fuck if i don’t wanna be around u then_

_Me: Yea probly shouldn’t_

_Takahiro: Whose dick dwarfed yours in the locker room today?_

_Me: Makki i wanna hang out cuz we’re fucking dating and i can’t text u cuz u just bitch at me_

_Me: If u don’t wanna hang out and don’t wanna talk then wth do u wanna do?_

_Me: Makki_

_Me: Ur fucking uncool_

_Takahiro: Did i not fucking say i was going somewhere u dick_

_Takahiro: I’m sorry k i’ll hang whenever_

_Takahiro: Ur an ASS_

 

The second week of August, the football team left town for its traditional six-day kickoff training camp. Just before, Takahiro and Issei had argued over something Tooru said about them in passing; he didn’t send a text or Snapchat the whole time he and Hajime were gone. And when he finally did:

_Me: Hey bus just got back_

_Takahiro❤️😜😏: Fuck you_

He sent something every hour until early in the morning, but she didn’t give any other response.

The next time they met up wasn’t pretty either, and in the week before school Hajime and Tooru didn’t invite them out for a final burst of summer bliss like they normally would have. They were left to work things out for themselves. Only they didn’t.

 

School started. They only had one accounting class together, and he didn’t know whether to be thankful for that or not. The girls had their lunch hour, and the boys theirs. They didn’t talk in person that week. Takahiro was at the opening football game on Friday, but since neither had brought up the subject of his extra jersey, she was the odd one out among Tooru and their other girl friends.

It was Saturday of that week, after Tooru’s practice and Takahiro’s shift at Old Navy, that the four of them tried hanging out again. The action movie was decent, and they walked around a park and goofed off on the playground equipment for a little while.

After her birthday Tooru had gotten on a kick about improving her kissing, so she had instituted a little game with Takahiro. Whenever she gave the sign, they would both kiss their boyfriends by surprise, then pull back and judge which of the guys seemed more flustered. As they passed under a streetlamp, Takahiro felt the little tap on the back of her hand. She saw Tooru moving out of the corner of her eye, so she grabbed Issei’s arm and swung herself into his path. She had a feeling Tooru wasn’t only doing it on the premise of improvement this time, though that didn’t mean she at all foresaw it as their last kiss.

Takahiro won, and Tooru pouted at her boyfriend, who was clueless and scowling. Soon after they announced their leave. It was earlier than normal. The other two weren’t going to pretend they didn’t know why.

“I’ll ride the bus with you,” Issei said.

“I kind of wanna walk.”

“You wanna be around me for twice as long?”

“No, I don’t. But you’re my boyfriend, so I should probably act like I do.”

He snorted. “Kay, I’ll walk with you.”

“Thanks.”

They started in the direction of her house.

“So, we have a problem,” he said.

“What’s our problem?”

He looked at her. “I don’t know.”

“Pf. Then it was really helpful for you to bring it up, Matsun.”

“Well I had to. I don’t think you would have.”

“Why?”

She had put a little more distance between them on the sidewalk. He shrugged.

“If you want to talk about it, talk.”

“Hiro.”

She almost glared. “What?”

“I—Are you not even gonna try? Because I don’t have that much to say, so if you’re thinking we can fix it by me making a big long confession, I’ll just save my breath and tell you that’s not gonna happen.”

“You piss me off.”

It definitely wasn’t the right thing to say.

“Yeah and you’ve been pissing me off too. Because you don’t look my way at school, then you kiss me when we’re here, and you’ll text me tomorrow but then you won’t again on Monday.”

“I know Shigeru will text you on Monday, so I’m off the hook for that one.”

“Hey, fuck you. I told you I’ve said everything I can say about that and we’re done with it.”

“You realize we haven’t texted every day since we started dating? Why is it a problem now?”

“Because now it’s on purpose, you’re either fucking with my head or your own head, I don’t know which but it has to stop. We need to figure it out.”

They had stopped walking. She started again.

“I don’t know what to do,” said Takahiro.

He came up to her side and reached for her, catching gently at her elbow.

“Okay. You don’t know what to do. But you can tell me what it is that you want to do something about.”

“No, I can’t,” she mumbled.

“Come on, Makki. What’s the problem?”

“Fuck you, why am I the one with the problem?”

He let go.

“If you don’t know what the problem is and I’m telling you I don’t, then how is there a problem?” she said.

“We both know there’s a problem, okay, something isn’t working.”

“ _Nothing_ is working! Everything, every conversation we have is like this!”

“Yeah because you’re fucking crazy! None of this stuff would’ve bothered you so much before.”

“Before _what_?”

“Before whatever happened to you this summer,” he rumbled.

“What happened is that my boyfriend started being a bigger pain in the ass than usual.”

“I’m not perfect, Makki, I fuck up a lot, okay, but you used to _get_ that, and now you—I don’t know, you’re holding everything against me. For some reason that you should probably explain.”

“I should probably explain? You’re doing the exact same thing! Every time I’m busy it’s ‘oh you were busy yesterday too, we didn’t hang out last weekend either, why do you have so many responsibilities?’”

“Fuck you.”

She rolled her eyes, though they were almost in tears. “Yeah. We’re so mature and responsible and that’s the only thing we ever say to each other.”

“Makki, I’m _asking_ you to say more.”

She sighed, then looked at him, and shook her head. “I don’t want to.”

“Then let’s just forget summer happened. Okay? Can we just be cool? And forget about whatever all that was.”

“Let’s just forget about all of it, then. Every summer and winter and whatever. Just forget about us.”

His mind and his feet screeched to a dead stop. Silence.

“What?” he said.

“We’re not working.”

When she looked at him, her face was set.

“That probably means it’s enough. We can be done now.” She shrugged a shoulder. “We can put our effort into something else.”

“Okay…”

He shifted his weight, flicked his eyes toward the ground. He looked back up.

“That’s fine, if that’s what you want.”

They stood in silence for another moment. Then she walked again. When he started to follow she spun around.

“Did you not fucking hear me?”

“I still have to walk you home, for fuck’s sake, it’s dangerous.”

She turned back around. And started running.

Takahiro was on the track team in the springs, long distance. Luckily it was the offseason for her, and he was in prime condition, so he was able to keep up as she ran to get away from him, and to keep from crying, and to get to her bed and music and any tshirt that wasn’t his. Yeah, this was fucking crazy, but she didn’t have to care anymore what Issei thought of her.

He stopped at the edge of her lawn. She pulled off the sweatshirt he had borrowed her and threw it at the ground, then went inside.


	3. Tuesday, September 12

Takahiro felt like shit. She had been sprawled across her bed for an hour now, staring at nothing. She almost hadn’t gone to school because of her stomach, and now she wished she really had stayed home. She’d overheard some girls from her class talking about Matsun being an available prom date, then been asked about the breakup by some people she thought were friends, only for Tooru to inform her that they were talking about it earlier and just wanted some gossip material. She should be doing her math homework, but she still felt queasy, and the ache in her chest definitely had not faded as two weeks wore away.

She moved her eyes over to the Mulan calendar hanging on the wall; maybe Mother Nature’s beef with her had come early. She squinted at the August square, looking for a little red x. There wasn’t one. No wonder it was early if she hadn’t had one at all last month.

She sat up.

“No…fucking way…”

Her foot caught on the sheet as she scrambled off the bed, sending her to the floor on her elbows. She jumped up and ran into the wall, scanning furiously over the month of July, then August, then July again. She tried to remember that she had had it in August, that there had to have been some event at the same time, a volleyball match, a football game, the start of classes…

Takahiro tugged on some sneakers, tore up the stairs and ran out the door.

She got to the convenience store two blocks over and stopped at the corner of the building to catch her breath. Then she strolled into the store, and strolled back out with a bag clutched in her fist; when she had passed all the windows, she took off sprinting again.

She could hear the TV when she stepped into the hall. She shut the door and hurried down the stairs with light steps. She locked herself in the bathroom and mouthed a few swear words as she wrestled the test out of the box. She threw the box at the wall. Then she sat down on the toilet and stared at the test through her fingers.

She retrieved the box to run through the instructions. Then she waited. She wiped a few tears and squinted to hold them back.

Takahiro burst out of the bathroom, stuffing the test back in the box as she bolted to the front door. She eased it shut and ran to the car parked at the curb. She got in the passenger seat, and when she had shut that door too, she screamed.

She didn’t know how long she had been there when the sound of another vehicle made her look up. She slumped out of view.

“Shit.”

Her mom was home from the movies. As her car crunched over the gravel drive, Takahiro crawled into the back seat and crouched on the floor. She held her breath and listened. Her mom shut the car door. Then she heard the front door squeak as it swung wide. She rose up to peek at the house, watching her go in. But the sight of her mom yanked the knot in her gut tight, and she crumbled against the seat, pressing her fists into her eyes as she held back sobs.

The sun had fully set by the time she quieted herself enough to go back to the house. When she stepped inside she heard her parents talking in the living room on the right. Takahiro forced herself to take a deep breath and call “Hey Mom,” before an immediate left down the stairs.

She locked her door, then walked over and picked up her backpack. She dumped out all the contents, set the test in the bottom of the garbage, and buried it under papers and other trash from her bag. She kicked the backpack across her room.

She tried to pace. She tried to sit. She tried lying on her back, on her stomach, with her face in a pillow, or pressed against her knees. It all ended in the same thing, crying silent cascades of tears, as she listened to her parents moving and talking upstairs and her phone vibrating beside her. As the world moved on around her, and she was paralyzed.

 

She didn’t go to school on Wednesday.

But at nine o’clock at night, after a whole day in her room with a box of saltine crackers, she couldn’t take it anymore. She snuck to the top of the stairs and saw her mom’s keys sitting on the counter in front of the door. She grabbed them and left the house, sending a text as she sped across the yard.

_Me: Taking your car to tooru’s_

The Oikawa family had a huge, artificially lush lawn sloping up to their big modern house. Takahiro climbed up the brick pathway toward the front door.

_Me: Hey im in ur front yard plz come outside_

_👽👑Alien Empress: U do realize u sent me one text all day_

_Me: This is legit a fucking emergency_

_Alien Empress: Why don’t u come in it’s not like anyone ever stops u_

_Alien Empress: Except the alarm system_

_Alien Empress: I won’t bail u out of jail btw_

_Me: I can’t come in I need u to come out tooru please_

_Alien Empress: Fine_

She poked her head through the door, then opened it and stepped out in her pjs. Takahiro had stopped several yards away.

“What’s up Makki?”

The pressure to release the secret had been building in her chest all day, but at the sight of her best friend, her throat closed off completely, and nothing was coming out except a ragged sob as tears poured for the hundredth time. These were hotter on her cheeks; from facing another person, they were pure shame.

Takahiro turned around and started back down the hill as fast as she could, but in few steps she was caught under the arms by toned setter biceps. Tooru clipped her heel and they both fell, rolling several feet. Takahiro curled up on her side in the grass and cried. Her friend held her from behind, brushing her hair back from her face as she spoke softly.

“I’m here Makki, you’re not alone. You can tell me anything you need to, it’ll be okay. You’ll be okay…”

When she had slowed her breathing from gasps to heaves, Tooru said:

“Makki, can we go inside though? I am wearing shorts.”

They both stood up. She allowed herself to be pulled along by the sweatshirt sleeve, and they went up the spiral staircase to Tooru’s room. She sat Takahiro on her bed.

“Now what’s the problem?”

Her hands were covering her face, and her shoulders started to shake again.

“Makki!”

She dropped her hands, eyes on the ceiling as they welled.

“I’m so fucked.”

“What’s going on?”

She hiccupped and bit her lip.

“Makki,” she said, in her captain voice. “Why did you miss school today?”

“I don’t want to tell you. I don’t want you to stop talking to me.”

Tooru gasped, and when Takahiro had blinked away enough tears to see clearly, her friend was crying too.

“Why…” She choked. “Why would you think I would do that, Makki? Have I not been loyal to you? I’m not a good friend, or what?”

“Hey, I’m the one with a reason to cry here,” said Takahiro.

“Well you hurt my feelings with that!”

“Sorry.”

She took a deep breath.

“It’s just...ugh…It’s bad.”

Tooru pursed her lips, but her eyes shimmered at her, soft and strong.

 

She woke up in her friend’s bed. Tooru was sitting beside her, gently pushing on her shoulder. Takahiro closed her eyes.

“Kill me.”

“Makki…” She shook her again. “Hey, I know one thing about being pregnant. It makes your skin really nice.”

She cracked an eye open to glare at her.

“Well sorry! I’m sorry that I’ve never been in this situation before and don’t know what to say.”

“That’s okay.” She picked at the lint on the sheets.

“I guess I thought you guys were doing the purity thing…”

“Yeah, it didn’t work out,” she muttered.

Then Tooru hauled her up and squeezed her in a tight hug. She let go and walked over to her closet.

“No ugly Snaps of me.”

Takahiro stretched her arms over her head, then stood up.

“I’m going home, so I’ll see you at school.”

“What? Why? Can’t you wear some of my clothes?”

“I don’t really feel like drawing attention to myself.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

Takahiro opened the door.

“Makki, you can’t go! At least let me do your hair.”

Tooru tailed her out.

“Pleeeeease? Come on Makki.”

“You don’t have time for both of us.”

“Of course I do! How about a pony, just a quick one. You look so different and cute when it’s pulled up high.”

“What part of not drawing attention to myself didn’t you understand?”

She crossed her arms and pouted as she watched Takahiro go down the stairs.

“You’re actually going to school, right?”

“If my mom doesn’t kill me when I get home.”

Getting inside was fine, but an hour later when she was trying to go out again her mom saw her from the kitchen.

“Takahiro? What’s going on with you?”

“Bus is here.”

She snapped the door shut and jogged down to the corner, wiping a few tears before they could fall down her face. She dropped into her spot by Tooru and slumped down.

“Can I do your hair now?”

“It’s done bitch.”

“Makki,” she whined.

“If you really wanna do me a favor, be quiet so I can think.”

She huffed. “Fine. I have to study for chemistry anyway.”

“What are you thinking about?” she asked a minute later.

Takahiro gave her a look.

“I mean specifically.”

“Well I have to talk to him. He should be next to know.”

“Who?”

“How are you a straight-A student?”

She gasped. “You’re going to tell _him_? _Today_?”

“As soon as we get there, I’m getting it over with.”

“Oh my gosh…”

When they got off the bus, Takahiro turned toward the parking lot. Tooru grabbed her into a hug before they parted.

“Good luck.”

“Yeah, because that’s gonna help me at this point,” she said to herself.

 

Issei had been parking in the same spot since sophomore year when his dad gave him the old car. He turned right at the 38th yellow line, barely looking up; it was just enough to see someone sitting in his space. He pounded on the brakes and stared through the windshield at Takahiro.

She got up off the ground and stepped to the side. Issei pulled the rest of the way in, parked, and shoved the door open.

“I could’ve killed you.”

“But I didn’t think you would,” she said. “Can we, uh, talk inside for a minute?” She gestured to the car.

“Uh, people will probably see…”

“Do you think I give a fuck what they see?”

Issei got back in the car, and she slid into the passenger side.

“What’s up?” he mumbled low.

“Well, eventually my weight, my hormone levels, probably my absences, and my hatred of you.”

“Huh?”

“I’m, um—”

She sighed to the window, scratched at a hangnail, and looked in his direction again.

“I’m pregnant. Like, right now.”

He stared. Takahiro dropped her eyes as the urge to puke crawled up through her guts.

“Get out. Shit.”

A chill washed over her, and heat flushed her face at the same time. Her head pounded, and she wanted nothing but to be alone in the middle of nowhere as she threw up. She shouldn’t have to feel like this when they weren’t even together anymore. She shouldn’t be so sick over the idea of letting him down.

“Shit. Are you serious?”

She slid her eyes toward him. His cheek was flinching toward a smile.

“Dude. I will kick the teeth out of your mouth.”

“Sorry, sorry.”

“What the fuck,” she said under her breath.

“Sorry. It's for real, I get it.”

“And obviously I’m telling you because you did it.”

“Uh, you sure?”

“What the _fuck_ is that supposed to mean?”

“It was just a question.” He shrugged. “So who else knows then?”

“Tooru, so Hajime. That’s it.”

“You haven’t told your parents?”

“No. And you can’t either until I get it over with.”

“Okay.”

He looked away, up through his window, clenching and unclenching his fist against his leg as she eyed him.

“I’m not going to apologize or any shit like that,” she said, “So, no need for you either.”

He was looking at her again. “Kay.”

They were silent. Then she leaned over the center console to make room for pulling the door handle. Issei read her movement in a habitual way, and reached toward her; just as she turned and saw him, he was realizing she meant to get out, and he retracted in all the necessary embarrassment as she watched in all the necessary awkwardness.

Takahiro opened the door. “See you later.”

“Yeah.”

She got out and disappeared behind the next car.

He sat there for a couple minutes, until the discomfort pushed him to do something with at least physical purpose. He walked to the front door and down the standard path to his locker. As he stood in front of it, staring inside, a wordless cry from a familiar voice registered with him, and he turned and saw Hajime at the other end of the busy hall. They made eye contact. Hajime’s shoes squeaked as he ran the rest of the way to him. The shorter boy grabbed him by the arms and pushed him against the row of lockers. They stood in silence as he scanned over Issei’s face.

“You know?”

Issei nodded.

“Are you okay?”

“I think more than you are,” he said.

Hajime looked him carefully in the eyes as he caught his breath.

“I know you’re not processing yet and whatever, but you know I’m your bro and nothing about that’s going to change. So don’t even worry about it.”

He was pressing a finger into Issei’s chest. Then he came to himself, and they looked around them; no shortage of eyes were lingering in their direction. Hajime stepped back and slowly removed his hands.

“I’ll see you later man.”

“Yeah.” Issei punched his back as he walked away.

He wanted to break something, but he let out a dark chuckle instead. Hajime was always ready to fight for something, but Issei just felt like going home.

 

“Makki!”

It was the end of the day and Tooru was trying to wave her down in the hall. Takahiro ignored her until she had linebackered through the soccer team separating them and grabbed onto her unused backpack strap.

“Sup.”

“Makki I’m coming over after practice, kay? Will your mom let me in?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll grab some food on the way, what do you want?”

“I’ll cook, it’ll be ready when you come.”

“Bless you.”

She hugged her with one arm. Takahiro shrugged her off.

“How has it been today, are you ready to go home?”

“Since when is that anything new?”

Tooru smiled and bumped her hip. “I’ll see you.”

“See you.”

At six-thirty they ate chicken alfredo together. Then they went down to Takahiro’s room before her mom got home.

“Okay, first things first, I need to see your test,” said Tooru.

She scrunched her nose into a sneer. “What?”

“Where’d you put it?”

“In the fucking garbage, where do you think?”

Her friend didn’t hesitate to sift through the papers and tissues for the plastic stick. She squinted at it, then bit her lip and looked at Takahiro.

“Did you take it twice?”

“I don’t need to take it twice.”

Tooru’s eyes filled with warmth, and possibly tears, but she threw the test back in the garbage and hugged her before Takahiro could tell.

“Oh my gosh Makki. This is crazy.”

“That’s not the adjective I’ve been using.”

Tooru leaned back. “Okay. But that wedding was like two months ago, and you didn’t—”

“Don’t even. I took it two days ago, okay, you were the first person to know. You’re the only person I could tell first.”

“Makki!” She hugged her again. “That’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me, and I have a boyfriend!”

She rolled her eyes and tried to push her off.

“Wait, you took the test two days ago?”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t notice anything until—”

“You didn’t notice you’re two months pregnant?” she pleaded.

“Well sorry I have things to deal with other than whatever the fuck my body decides it’s gonna act like on a given day.”

“Gosh Makki, you should’ve called me, you didn’t have to take it all by yourself—”

“I did have to, though. You need to—think, you know, with that. No offense.”

Tooru shook her head and hugged her again.

Suddenly she was shoving her back to arm’s length.

“Okay I’m sorry, but we need to back the fuck up here. You did it with Matsun.”

“Yes Tooru, we fucked.”

Tooru put her hands up and tossed her head. Then she pressed them into a prayer position. “That’s like—blowing my mind. You have to tell me how this happened! You’re sure it was that time at the wedding?”

“There was only one time.”

“Did it set the mood or something? It got you excited?”

“All that excited was a gag reflex.”

Tooru hit her in the shoulder.

“Who came onto who? Oh my gosh, was it planned? Did you guys like—”

“Honestly Tooru, I’d rather be burning in hell than talking about this.”

“But Makki! If it was once did it cause problems for you guys? _Shit_ , is that why you—”

“Shut up! Why are your priorities so fucked up? Can we focus on the thing that matters right now? I am _pregnant_ ,” she hissed.

“I know Makki, but I just don’t want to believe it.”

Tooru slapped her hand over her mouth even before it registered on her friend’s face.

“I didn’t—mean that. I didn’t mean that. I—We’re gonna be okay, and you’re gonna be fine. Because you’re kickass, Makki, and I believe in you more than anyone else our age. Okay?”

Takahiro slumped forward, resting her head on her friend’s shoulder. Tooru reached around and linked her arms behind her back. She sighed.

“What are we gonna do?”

“I’ll let you know.”


	4. Saturday, September 16

Hajime’s mother loved Tooru. An unfortunate consequence of this was that his girlfriend never had any trouble gaining access to his room, even early on a Saturday morning. She flung the door open, walked in, and kicked it shut; when he stirred in his sleep she grinned and danced over, lifted his head with both hands and kissed deep into his slack lips. When he started and flailed his arms, she let go.

“The hell.”

“Good morning,” she sang, “Running back who ran away with my heart.”

He groaned and rolled away from her.

“You and your damn early rising. I’m sore as hell, you know.”

“Lucky I’m here, I can give you a massage!”

“Yeah freaking right.”

She climbed into the bed and he groaned again. She touched his arm and pressed close to his shoulder, smiling.

“You played well. You can really hold your own out there, shorty.”

“Were you even watching the game? I got pounded on by their line. I guess it was worth it, though. And if you call me that again I seriously won’t talk to you.”

“We have to talk. About Makki.”

“We’ve talked about that. All it does is make you cry and make me more scared for her.”

“We have to talk about Makki _and_ Matsun.”

He didn’t respond, until she said:

“They didn’t stop wearing their rings in July. Did you notice that? Makki only stopped wearing hers after they fought. They were still wearing them even after they—you know?”

He rolled onto his back, frowning.

“Well, if they both chose to break the promise, then they’re still promised to each other, just in a different way.”

“What do you mean in a different way? What other way is there besides like a married way?”

“Well…yeah.” He shrugged at her.

“Do you think they’d been talking about it before, or do you think it just happened?” said Tooru, hugging his arm.

“It probably just happened. The whole purity thing kind of just happened to them too, so.”

“But Makki told me he used a condom, so if it wasn’t planned why would he have a condom just laying around?”

“I don’t know, okay, he never said anything to me about planning it, or even thinking about her a lot that way.”

“Hm.” She pouted.

“She looked really beautiful that night,” said Hajime.

“Of course, but she’s looked beautiful lots of times. He went to prom with her for goodness’ sake.”

“Well yeah but she’s older now, and that—It’s just a little difference but you can tell, it changes things enough for it to feel different.”

“That makes no sense, because Makki has literally been hot since he started talking to her in eighth grade. You can’t tell me he didn’t think she was always hot.”

“I’m sure he did but what else could’ve changed between them? What’s your theory, Miss Roswell?”

She elbowed him in the gut. When he yelped and pressed his arm over his tender abdominals, Tooru gasped and covered her mouth, then put one hand on his face and one on his stomach.

“I’m sorry, Haji, I’m sorry. But that was mean.”

“ _Mean_?” he croaked.

“Sorry.” She carded her fingers through his hair. “And I do have a theory, with much more support than yours. There had to have been a lot of nostalgia in seeing their babysitter get married, and it made them think about their relationship. How far they’ve been together. And they probably thought about graduating, and college, and moving in together, and their _own_ wedding—”

“And Makki was in heels and Iss was in a button-up so there was some mutual engine cranking to speed up the process—”

“You pig.” She hit his arm.

“Tooru,” he howled, clutching at his bicep.

“Sorry, sorry.” She kissed it. “There. Anyway, I think they just decided they were ready for the next step. But then—”

“They got a step too far.”

Her brown eyes were big and warm. “Yeah.”

Hajime pulled her down and hugged her to his chest.

“Aww, you’re comforting me?”

“Getting you to stop hitting me.”

“I didn’t mean it!”

He wouldn’t let her escape his arms, so eventually she relaxed into them.

“But it’s not fair.”

She sniffled, and he looked down. He watched her hand come up to wipe at the corner of her eye.

“Makki doesn’t have anyone to comfort her. Not like this.”

He petted her hair in silence.

“It must be so scary, you know, because she gave herself to him that way, and he’s not there for her anymore even like this, and then everything that’s happening—Makki shouldn’t have to be so brave.”

She whimpered. He squeezed her shoulder.

“Hey. You can’t give up on them so easily. And this is gonna change everything.”

“No matter what Makki decides to do,” Tooru added, propping herself up on his chest.

“And you can’t assume Matsun doesn’t want to be there for her with every fiber in his body, because I would, if I were him.”

She cocked her head.

“If it were you and me? You’d be there, like this?”

He avoided her eyes as he started to color. She smiled.

“Hajime?”

He pushed her head back onto his chest.

“Yeah, but we didn’t just have a fight, so we shouldn’t pretend like we understand them perfectly, either.”

She huffed. “I just want Makki to be happy. I don’t want her to be stressed out and anxious and alone her whole senior year! She deserves to be happy.”

“Yeah, this officially sucks.”

They were quiet for a minute.

“Did he tell you they had sex?” Tooru said. “Before all this?”

“No.”

She rose herself on her hands. “If you’re lying—”

“He didn’t say a word about it. No hints, nothing. What about you? Girls tell each other everything.”

“Best friends tell each other everything, gender has nothing to do with it!”

“Well you’re the first person she told about this, how do I know she didn’t tell you about the sex the day after the wedding?”

“She didn’t tell me a damn thing, Hajime, she wouldn’t even talk about it after I knew he got her pregnant.”

“Oh gosh, Tooru, did you ask her about it?”

“How could I not ask her about having sex with your best friend?”

“That was not the time to do that. I hope she reamed you a good one.”

“Rude!”

She thumped her fist into his gut. He yelped and doubled over.

“I’m not sorry for that one.”

“I’ll make you sorry.”

He grabbed her and drug her toward his hamper.

“No! You pervert!”

Only after several breaths full of dirty jersey did she fight him off.

“You’re disgusting. And your mom did such a good job with you, I don’t know where you could’ve went wrong.”

He rolled his eyes over a smile.

“What are we going to do today?” she said.

“Are you sure you’re fit to be seen, with your makeup all smeared like that?”

“It did not smear! It’s all tear and sweat proof.”

“Even guy sweat?”

Her brow furrowed and she touched a finger to her lip.

“You didn’t smear it, did you?”

He smiled. “Nah. Looks great.”

He kissed her. Her lips pouted, and heat rose in her cheeks as she turned her head away.

“I take it back. Makki’s lucky she doesn’t have one of you to put up with.”

“Well—” He stood up with a grunt. “You don’t have to put up with anything if I’m asleep.”

“Oh no you _don’t_ —”

She spun the jersey into a twist and whipped him in the butt, then hopped over to his dresser.

“I’m picking out an outfit for the museum.”

He groaned. “We went there two Saturdays ago. Nothing could possibly have changed.”

“Well I thought you’d like to visit your cavemen ancestors again.”

“They’re your ancestors too, your brilliancy.”

“Look at me, Hajime, there is no way that _I_ am descended from the likes of that. But _you_ have a very obvious family resemblance.”

His face was stony. She giggled.

“I think I know where I went wrong.”

“Wow, rude!”

 

She had thought that by the weekend she would have the guts to talk to her parents. But waking up at 5 a.m. and sweating through a tshirt as she practiced her words told her otherwise. She was on her second shirt and last nerve now that it was 8. Rehearsing was never going to make it easier; this wasn’t a fucking English presentation. Takahiro trooped silently up the stairs and found her mother at the kitchen table.

“Mom. I need to talk to you and Dad.”

She looked up. “Both of us?”

“Yeah.”

Her mom surveyed her.

“He’s in the bathroom right now,” she said, “So I can fill him in later.”

“No, I’ll wait.”

Takahiro’s mother had always liked her daughter to come to her with her ‘girl problems,’ and Takahiro had almost always obeyed this silent need of hers. But the way her face was set this time made her mom ask:

“Why is that?”

“Because I’m only going to be able to say this once.”

They heard the toilet flush. Then the door opened, and the floor creaked, and Takahiro almost flinched. Her dad came into the kitchen, paused to take notice of her, nodded, and headed for the fridge.

“Sit down, Itsuki. Hiro needs to talk to us.”

He turned. “Hm? Both of us?”

Takahiro restrained herself from an eye roll and pursed her lips. Her dad looked at her for a long moment. He shuffled slowly around his wife and the corner of the table to take a chair.

Takahiro wanted to excuse herself to go puke first, but she had to get this over with. She paced once away from the table, then turned back, and forced herself to stand there in front of them until she could speak.

“Okay, um…Okay, if you guys end up murdering me, please don’t let Aunt Tsumi come to my funeral.”

Her parents looked at each other.

“I hope I don’t know where this is going,” said her mom.

She fluttered her eyelids to move the tears away.

“I—I’m screwed,” she accidentally whispered.

Her dad was staring. Her mom was arching an eyebrow. Takahiro waited for her throat to loosen up.

“I got pregnant.”

For a minute, she didn’t look up. When she did, it was evident that her dad had been stunned into silence. Her mom was pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Just tell me it was Matsun.”

She frowned. “Um, yeah?”

“I knew those rings were too good to be true.”

Takahiro gaped at her.

“Well thanks for having a lot of confidence in me, Mom.”

She stomped out of the kitchen and down the stairs.

“Hiro!”

Her mom came down to her closed bedroom door. She knocked.

“Hiro?”

She tried the door, and went in. Takahiro was curled up on her bed. Her mom sat by her feet.

“Did you want me to be mad instead?”

“No,” she mumbled.

Her mom patted her knee, then squeezed it.

“Takahiro? I thought you and Matsun broke up.”

“We did.”

“But now you’re pregnant?”

“That happened in July.”

“You’re two months pregnant?” she squeaked.

“I just found out okay? I didn’t—realize—”

Takahiro wiped her face on her sleeve.

“I see.”

Her mom rubbed a hand up and down her leg.

“Is that why you missed school? And why you were sneaking around this week?”

She gave a shaky sigh.

“We should go back upstairs,” her mom said. “Because Itsuki might have collapsed. You want to tell us more, don’t you?”

“Not really.”

“Takahiro, come upstairs.”

She groaned, got up and drug herself along behind her.

When she returned to her place in front of her father, he still didn’t say anything, but he was red-faced and scowling. She sighed.

“Sorry Dad.”

Her mom sat down beside him, patting his leg. “It happened in July, so she’s two months.”

“It was one time.” She swallowed. “And we’re not together. So, it’s just my—me. And I don’t want you to tell me what to do. I’ll figure it out.”

Her parents exchanged another look. Then her mom said:

“Okay Hiro, but you ask us for help if you need it.”

She nodded.

Sure, she was burning up with shame, but there was also an icy relief washing through her, now that some adults knew. Someone who had a clue what they were doing on a day to day basis could surely be of help in this situation. She felt some more tears slip down her cheeks. She went to wipe them, but felt her mom’s arms come around her. Then her dad joined the hug. Afterwards he said:

“I think I’ll…go to the shop for a while.”

Takahiro smiled sheepishly, behind his back.

 

She always had her lunch break at 2 o’clock on Sundays. Tooru usually waited outside for her, but today they met in the middle of the store. Her friend had a big smile and a hand ready to grab her arm.

“Okay I promise I’m not trying to influence you, but!” She drug her around the corner into the infant section. “This is a part of the reality, so you should include it in your consideration.”

“Um, dude, nobody here knows and I’d like to keep it that way for as long as possible.”

“So you’re looking for a gift,” said Tooru. She pulled a polka dotted item off a rack with a flourish. “The only thing cuter than me in a romper, would be a baby in a romper.”

“And if it’s a boy?”

“We’d dress it like a Kpop star. They don’t make many cute clothes for boys though, do they.”

“Trucks and dinosaurs.”

“I’m sure we could find some online.”

“Putting me out of a job in the process. That’d be a great way to start off as a parent.”

Tooru looked at her for a long moment, with a smile that seemed a little pained.

“I can’t believe my best friend could have her own baby.”

“Can we save this for after I eat?”

They walked down to the food court just like they did most Sundays. Takahiro spent half of her paychecks eating here, and the other half on clothes. With a baby in the picture, her checks would go to that eating and clothing; diapers and whatever other costs would come from who knew where, and she could forget about food for herself, let alone clothes.

 

She felt sick Monday morning, and spent so long in the bathroom that now she was running late for school. She’d put on sweatpants so she could run there and maybe make it before the bell, but she found herself stalling at the top of the stairs because her parents were in the kitchen, talking.

“—so she’d be due sometime in April, probably.”

Her dad grunted out a sigh.

“She told us she swings both ways,” he said, “Couldn’t she have swung a little farther the other way? She could have dated Tooru. She’s a smart girl. Nice girl. Has college plans.”

Takahiro snorted.

“I got her an appointment at Planned Parenthood, for Thursday.”

She stiffened like a cornered animal. Was she even old enough to go there? Weren’t there usually people outside, what if she got harassed? Her mom didn’t think to talk to her about it before she made the appointment?

She realized her dad had gone unresponsive.

“Is she going to it?” he said.

“It’s for information,” said her mom, “She needs to go. It’ll help her with her options.”

“Did she say she wanted to go?”

“She doesn’t need to say anything, Itsuki, she’s still our baby and we’ll take care of her.”

“Yeah, I suppose.”

In their moment of quiet, Takahiro stepped into sight.

“Mom, I missed the bus.”

“Take my car. Itsuki can drop me off.”

Takahiro grabbed the keys off the counter.

“Should I even be driving?” she mumbled.

Good thing it was a short trip, because try as she might, she couldn’t not think about her dad’s surprised silence.

On Friday she was late for the second time that week. Issei was later. He had seen her mom’s car, with the kissy lips bumper sticker, as he drove around the parking lot.

So after school he waited, leaning casually against the back of his own vehicle. When she passed by, even though he had expected it, he tripped over his own feet as he tried to stand up straight.  

“Hey.”

She had already looked over, and she quickly moved her eyes back to the pavement.

“Sup.”

He walked along the same way.

“You going to the game?” he said.

“Obviously you don’t need to ask me that, so what do you really need to ask me?”

He brought a hand back and rubbed at his neck.

“Uh—I was wondering…”

She stopped walking.

“Okay, it’s been a week, Matsun, do you have to hit me up with this?”

“Do you have to bite my head off?”

Quiet.

“Besides, a week is a long time, when it’s only been there for a couple months.”

She started walking again. “I anticipated your vote, so it’s already in the tally.”

“You shouldn’t have assumed that, Makki,” he said. “You should’ve talked to me about it.”

“I don’t really feel like talking to anyone about it, okay?”

“Okay. But I’m just telling you, if you do care what other people think about it, you shouldn’t assume you already know what they think.”

She kicked at the pavement. “Why do you have to care, it’s not in your uterus.”

“That—was a joke, right?”

She glared. “It’s a problem and you want it to go away, I get it.”

“I never said—”

“You don’t have to say it. I know it makes perfect sense to you, but I happen to have more to consider than what’s convenient.”

Her voice cracked. She pressed her hand to her head to hide the tears from him.

“It’s not like I can apologize to it. It’s not like it would understand, if I tried to explain—No one hurt me, no one forced me, I just—I just did what I wanted to do, and I can’t act like I didn’t.”

She took a deep breath.

“But you can, so go ahead.”

He shook his head. “What?”

“Leave me alone. Don’t bother to care, because no one’s expecting anything.”

“What the fuck, Makki? You—You’re going to do this just because you think I don’t want you to?”

“Wouldn’t everybody call you fucking crazy for wanting me to?”

“You are fucking crazy! You can’t do it out of—stubbornness, you’re smart enough to know that.”

“I’m smart enough? Yeah, I’m a fucking genius.”

“Makki—”

“Fuck. You.”

She snapped the door handle up and got in her mom’s car. He turned and left.

 

There was nothing (except, it occurred to her, maybe being in labor) that could make her miss one of Tooru’s home games. She was there, but she sat far back in the student section, away from her usual place between Hajime and his friend. It wasn’t as much fun, not being in on the cheering and chants and songs, and not hearing Hajime’s nervous commentating on one side of her and Matsun’s snide comments on the other. But it was still her best friend being a beast at all aspects of volleyball, and Seijoh pulling out a gritty fourth and fifth set to take the win. And Tooru still wanted her to come to her house afterwards.

“Hey, did something happen today that you want to talk to me about?”

“Something like what?”

“Something like with Matsun?”

She glared. “Why are you asking?”

“Uhhgh.” Tooru rolled her eyes. “Because, Tetsurou snapped me that Morisuke told her people saw you guys talking after school, in the parking lot, and that it looked—heated.”

“I’m gonna end up on _Snapped_.” She sighed at the ceiling.

“I’m sure it ended with you telling him to fuck off, but what happened before that?”

“We argued. Can I leave it at that? Because I’d rather not have it out with you too.”

“Okay, okay.”

“That idiot. He just _had_ to talk to me with an audience there, doesn’t he get that he’s being seen with his ex, and that that’s kind of fucking humiliating?”

“Well was it really important?”

“Fuck you.”

“Okay Makki, I’m sorry, geez.”

Takahiro rolled herself off the beanbag, crawled up next to the bed and hugged Tooru around the waist from behind her.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize when I’m apologizing!”

“Hey, you were great tonight. That fourth set was as clutch as I’ve ever seen you. Seriously, ever.”

“Implying that all my other amazing comebacks were lackluster to you? I’m offended.”

Takahiro let go of her, then said: “Oh, and, your outfit today?”

Tooru looked over her shoulder, starting to smirk.

“I’m gonna try really hard not to think about it in bed.”

She punched her arm. “Shut up Makki. Was it over the top?”

“Definitely.”

“But those shoes are super cute, right?”

“Hell yeah.”

“And I wore it well?”

“Dude, you were hot. That can be as gay or straight as you want it to be.”

Tooru laughed. But her lips pulled swiftly into a pout.

“Good to know somebody appreciated it, because somebody _else_ didn’t say a word to me.”

“I got you.”

“What?”

“Just a second.”

_Me: So_

_Me: What did tooru wear today_

“Makki don’t text him, he’ll think I asked you to,” she hissed.

_Iwa😠🦔: Makki ik you’re with her and ik this is a test_

_Me: And ik uk what she looked like today so i shouldn’t have to do everyones share of feeding her ego_

_Me: Spill_

_Me: Now_

Tooru gasped.

“He got Matsun to tell me instead!”

“What’d he say?”

“You looked hot today.”

She gasped again, and showed Takahiro her screen.

🏈😏 _Matsun🎮👌: So i heard_

“Pf.”

“Those stupid jerks.”

“Hold on, hold on.” Takahiro sent another text.

_Me: Tbh tho she jumped us all by about 8 years_

_Iwa: True_

_Iwa: I feel like I’m in a gross teacher student relationship when she pulls that shit_

_Me: Should i tell her ur into that_

_Iwa: Fuck no makki_

_Iwa: Tell her when she winked at me in the hallway like an asshole it felt good to get attention from her in front of everyone_

_Iwa: She does it because she already knows I’m a sucker so_

Takahiro did as requested, and enjoyed her pink cheeks and loud expressions of dissent (denial).

“He said you could tell me because he wanted you to tell me! If he won’t tell me himself I’m not going to accept the compliments!”

Her friend tackled her back on the mattress.

“You don’t honestly want your boyfriend to tell you every time you look good, that’d get old after a week.”

“That’s like the opposite of my problem, Makki, he hasn’t told me once in a whole week!”

“Mine’s not going to be telling me for the foreseeable future, so.”

“Don’t—” she hit her shoulder—“Bring it up if you don’t want to talk about it, Makki.”

“Just saying you should look on the bright side.”

“I bet he’d say it anyway, though.”

“What?”

“It’s not like that was the issue,” Tooru said. “Give me a second.”

“Um, I’d prefer we not start this.”

Tooru’s phone vibrated, and she clucked her tongue. “Asshole.” She showed her the screen.

_Me: And how did my best friend look?_

_Matsun: Like she wanted to bury my body behind the bus barn_

“So he didn’t leave _all_ his brain cells at home today.”

“I’m going to get him to say something nice about you.”

“I appreciate your friendly gesture, but I don’t want to hear anything he has to say.”

“What, just because it’s positive? You _want_ to pick fights all the time?”

“I don’t want—any of it,” Takahiro said. “I want it to be left alone.”

Tooru looked up from her phone with a small smile. “Are you sure?”

She held it for her to see.

_Matsun: Shes the coolest in vans tho if she stepped on my grave in those i wouldnt care_

“I don’t give a fuck what he says,” she snapped, “To you or Hajime or anyone. I already know what he thinks, that I’m an attention whore and now that I don’t have his I’m doing this whole thing to get it back.”

“Makki, I’ll bet you every palette I own that he does not think that.”

“I don’t give a fuck if he does. I don’t care if he bragged about banging me, I don’t care if he’s telling everyone we broke up because I’m a hoe and I don’t care if he tries to tell everyone it’s not his. This doesn’t even concern him. Fuck him.”

She was flattened into the bed so fast she lost a breath. Tooru stared down at her, pinning her with strong arms that _shook_.

“Makki. You can say fuck him as many times as you want, but I don’t ever want to hear you call yourself a whore. Ever.”

Takahiro turned her head away as the tears welled. Her voice wobbled.

“Maybe I am, though.”

“You’re _not_.” She shoved harder on her wrists. “Take it back. Right now.”

She only started to cry. Tooru pulled her up into a hug.

“Makki, you know you’re amazing. You’re super smart, and that’s why you’re so funny. You’re beautiful, and you have really cool style, and you’re an awesome friend because you work so hard to be. You’re the coolest person I know, and you always will be.”

“But I fucked up! I fucked up my life, and I can’t even deal with it, what the fuck am I gonna do?”

So badly that the only thing she’d done about it so far was cry. So badly that her best friend couldn’t even help her. She sat up.

“I need to talk to my mom.”

Tooru was already getting off the bed. “I’ll drive you.”

On the way she texted her mom that she needed to talk to her, yes, just her, but there was no response. Takahiro tried calling, but it went to voicemail. Her mom must have gone out.

“She didn’t answer?”

“I don’t think she’s home.”

“Then, do you want to come back with me? Or maybe we could go to Hajime’s, and just watch a movie or something?”

She wanted, so badly, to be able to just watch a movie. Instead she leaned over and hugged Tooru again.

“See you later.”

“Kay. You can text us, if you can’t sleep.”

“Thanks.”

She got out and went into the house.

Her mom had gone to karaoke with friends. Her dad left around 1 a.m. to go get her, and when Takahiro heard them get back, she came up the stairs, hoping that she would be clearheaded.

“Hirooooo… Woo, baby! You should’ve seen your mom tonight. They said I looked 25 again.” She stumbled to the counter, bent herself over it and rested her head in her hand. “What do you think?”

She rolled her eyes and thudded back downstairs, rubbing at her cheeks as they started to get wet again.

She picked up her pile of PP information packets and sat on her bed. She couldn’t see any of the words, but she knew everything she needed to know from them already. The thing was, Takahiro was pretty sure she’d never had to make a difficult decision before.

A sob pulled itself out of her. She fell onto her back, and heard the papers slide off the bed in a cascade.

She stared at the ceiling. Why _would_ she want to bring someone into this? This was bad in general, and then, having her as a mom, and a dad…who was eventually going to be just some guy.

_‘You’re going to do this just because you think I don’t want you to?’_

Part of her, probably the really selfish part, didn’t care, refused to believe he didn’t want it, because she did, and had for a while; him and her, and something that was them together. But that was supposed to happen after…after the whole fucking white wedding thing.

“Shit.”

Why, _why_ the fuck couldn’t she have broken up with him before July? Why did it have to go past junior year at all? She knew it wasn’t because she was stupid, it was just because she was selfish as fuck, and that was a lot worse of a thing to realize.

At least she didn’t want to have it to get back at him. She didn’t, that was the truth. Half the reason it seemed so hard to think about giving it up was because it was his. But neither of them was even old enough to get a tattoo by themselves, this was so not up their alley right now…

She’d planned on asking him what he thought. It seemed right to ask. But now, there was pretty much no way she could. She was too scared of what his answer would be.

 

At 9 the next morning, she went upstairs to see if her mother was fit for talking before Takahiro had to go to work. Her dad was alone at the table.

“She’s still in bed.”

His daughter groaned and squinted back frustrated tears. Then she looked sharply at him.

“Will you help me?”

His face sagged and his eyes went blank. She spun on her heel.

“Never mind, I got it, it’s all good.”

“Hiro, I’ll try…”

She turned. Then she pulled back a chair, sat, and sighed.

“I just have one question.”

Though nervously, he nodded.

“If—If thinking about the thing other people want you to do makes you—really upset—” She swallowed. “Does that mean you’re being stubborn and refusing to accept it, or does it mean that—you probably shouldn’t do it?”

He studied the table for a bit. Then he looked up.

“Um—probably the second one.”

“How stubborn of a person do you think I am?” she said then.

“I think you know yourself well, so you have a right to be stubborn.”

He shrugged. Takahiro half smiled.

“Thanks Dad. I’ll show you where Mom always keeps the PopTarts.”

She stood and stretched to open the cupboard above the fridge, and hefted down a small wooden box with a hinged lid. He gaped.

“I thought there were recipes in there.”

“Which is why she knew you’d never open it. But you have to pace yourself, or she’ll start looking at my hips whenever she sees me. Not that she isn't doing that already,” she added under her breath.

 

She was pretty sure she saw more kids at the mall that weekend than she ever had, and she was also pretty sure she was going to destroy something in the break room and be forcibly removed before the end of her shift. It was sanding her nerves down to threads, thinking one minute that kids were devil’s spawn with superballs and Fortnite tshirts, and the next that grown-up humans were utterly undeserving of them. They were everywhere, but it was impossible to tell whether this was a good omen or a bad one.

For the most part, she spent her time wishing this was something she could wake up from.

During her last break on Saturday, she took out her phone, and had a text from Issei. She saw the words ‘sorry’ and ‘pressuring’ before swiping the notification away. She opened her messages and spit out a reply to the unread apology.

_Me: Did hajime tell u u needed to apologize_

She shoved her phone back in her locker and flipped through a magazine until her fifteen minutes were up.

For most of the evening she Snapped Tooru and avoided her messages. But eventually she did cave and go in to look at it properly. The reply to her bitchiness was:

_Matsun: U know ur probly making this harder than it already is_

Probably. She scrolled up to the first message, a substantial one for him.

_Matsun: Sorry for yesterday, ik it seemed like i was pressuring u but i didnt want to do that and i won’t ask anymore, just talk to me about it whenever. Ik its not important to me in the same way as it is to u but it still is important. I’m sorry_

How could she not think about him now? All night, and all the next day into evening. She thought about how they were always pretty different. She didn’t speak a word of gamer language, and Matsun had hordes of online friends for every game he played. He didn’t like Oreos, which put him on her no-date list for a few months in the eighth grade. He’d always hated the kind of music she was into.

But he had danced with her in her room one summer, actually slow danced, to Florence and the Machine. He knew Hajime got more sexy Snaps than him, but he’d never made her feel obligated to send more. When she was sick, he would kiss her cheek instead of not doing it at all.

She sent Tooru an actual text, so it could be thrown back at her in the future when she was regretting her decision.

_Me: Consider yourself an aunt_


	5. Thursday, September 28

Thursday morning, Takahiro stuffed away her hurried psychology homework and grabbed her other set of papers as she headed out the door. Before homeroom she found Hajime, thankfully without friends.

“Hey hey.”

He turned. “Hey.”

“You wanna do me a favor?”

“Anything.”

“Dude. You and Tooru need to chill out before that shit spreads to everyone around me.”

“We’re just making sure we’re here for you, Makki.”

“Then do me a favor and stop being so intense.”

He half smiled. “Okay.”

She held up her papers.

“So, appointment on Monday, and I kind of need Matsun’s medical history. Forewarning of anything fucked up that runs in his family, you know? And me and him—”

He watched her huff silently.

“I don’t know, but could you get it from him, please?”

“Sure.”

She handed over the forms.

“And make sure he’s honest. This is like, the real world, not bullshitting a history test.”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks.”

He nodded.

She had only gone a few steps, when he said:

“Makki.”

She looked back.

“Have a good day today.”

She smiled. “Yeah, you too.”

 

She had her first ultrasound the following Monday. She was 12 weeks along, and they informed her that she was a little late to start showing, probably because of her age and this being her first pregnancy. What she took from this was that she had run out of time to keep it quiet. Either people were going to start whispering, or she was going to just come out about it. She hadn’t thought she’d have to do that a second time.

Not that it was going to come from her mouth. She just had to get the ball rolling by giving Tooru permission to tell her closest friends, aka the volleyball team and Tetsurou from chemistry. From there, it spread like the latest SpongeBob reaction image.

She felt the looks even before she heard the whispers. Of course they had to look at her, and imagine they saw the bump, or confirm what they claimed they’d seen at the beginning of school. Takahiro didn’t look at anyone; there were only a few people she ever cared to see anyway, but these she avoided too, with the addition of a particular individual who had, up to this year, always been among the last to go on the bad list. Coincidentally, this was also the one other person whose level of aggravation could half compare to hers.

Issei had started preparing for a rough day the night before, when Tooru texted him about blowing the shit open. What he was in for turned out to be somewhat different than the avoidance and radio static Takahiro got. They couldn’t ask _her_ about it, sure, but he was a chill guy, and since it was the kind of thing you die to know, he didn’t feel like he encountered a shy person the entire day.

“Dude, is she pregnant for real?”

“For realz,” he said, in the locker room before school.

“Brooo, you’re gonna be a daddy!”

“Yeah, congrats big brother,” he said, during biology.

“So, Makki’s really pregnant?”

“Yeah.”

“And it was—you two?”

“Yep,” he said, at lunch.

“Hey, um, I heard there’s a rumor that—”

“It’s not a rumor, and yeah, it’s mine,” he said, as he sat down in fifth period.

He left Shigeru on read.

The only class he’d never had a reason to skip was mechanics, but today he fucking should’ve.

“You were banging with her? Why’d you never say anything?”

“If you had someone to bang,” he said, “Would you have a reason to hear about what I’m doing?”

“Well you don’t have someone now either, do you.”

He huffed a silent sigh over his work.

“We’re taking a break.”

“From the banging, or?”

“From everything.”

“Oh shit. She’s pissed at you I suppose, you forget the condom?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Issei said.

They didn’t, but they didn’t ask for anymore answers.

 

By Wednesday, Takahiro wished Matsun had dropped accounting the first week of school. During lecture in second period, she was seriously considered spending the whole of third in the bathroom on a pregnancy excuse. She didn’t think she would make it through another class with him, while every other student did their best to avoid talking to either of them, which meant that since they weren’t talking to each other, neither said a word through the whole thing. And their teacher wasn’t being as appreciative of their silence as he could be.

“You’re all being disturbingly quiet—”

A few laughs.

“Considering we’re only in the second month. You shouldn’t be so out of it yet.”

Takahiro dared someone to say it, even as her heart sped up and her gut swooped with a rush of dread, made all the worse by the fact that she was feeling shitty in the guts department almost all the time lately. Eyes were probably straying toward her, but she kept hers blanked at the teacher’s desk, and no one spoke up. The soundless torture of class continued.

She rushed to lunch and the only friend who would look her in the eye. Some of Tooru’s teammates sat at the other end of the table, but they were alone on their half. Desperate for a remotely comfortable conversation, she brought up the first thing she could think of.

“My dad called you smart.”

“Aw, that’s sweet.”

“He also said you’re a nice girl, so I guess he’s getting senile.”

She scoffed.

“How’s bio going then?”

She ignored the look Tooru gave her and let the question of schoolwork stand until it was answered.

“Well she’s going to be just as big of a pain in the ass as last year, but you would think we as a class have it down enough to where we should be able to figure things out when she throws them at us.”

“I might fail physiology.”

“Makki don’t say that, of course you won’t fail.”

“She actually hates people like me. We all know she’s secretly turned on by the way you argue with her, and she’s a bitch to cover for it. But I’m legitimately screwed if I get behind in the book.”

“Okay, number one, that’s really sick, and number two, you’re definitely smart enough to pass that class. Makki, I believe in you.”

“And I believe you’ll get your A, one way or another.”

Tooru rolled her eyes at the smirk.

“I think you should tell Hajime, by the way. He might take it better than you think. I heard he’s into student teacher stuff.”

“ _Who_ did you hear _that_ from?”

She snickered.

“Shut up Makki.”

As soon as they stopped talking, they registered the silence in their near vicinity. Takahiro glanced over and saw girls at the next table looking her way. She turned away even before they did, and Tooru caught her eye. They hurried back to their food.

“Speaking of _bi_ ology—”

“I almost wish we’d stayed in awkward silence,” said Takahiro.

“No, seriously, did you look at any of the New York Fashion Week stuff? When I see some of those women with necklines that almost go down to their belly button, let me just say, I envy you.”

“You wouldn’t if you were me and had to hang out with you all the time.”

“I can’t tell if that was a compliment or a total diss.”

“Depends what you’re wearing on a given day.”

She laughed.

“Whatever Makki.”

But her smile was genuine and really cute, and Takahiro was maybe having a bad day, but not a totally shitty one.

 

People had been talking about it for two days straight, and Thursday looked to be much the same. Makki and Matsun were a popular couple, after all, almost as popular as the volleyball captain and star running back. The fandom kids shipped them, the Instagrammers wished they would post more, and freshmen aspired to be a senior power couple of the like. As juicy as Takahiro being pregnant, was the apparent fallout between her and daddy.

The football team had a morning meeting, and Tooru had early practice. She met her boyfriend in the gym afterwards, and they headed for their first class together.

“Hajime, I’m exhausted.”

“Then you should sleep instead of texting me at midnight about Star Wars fan theories.”

“I mean _emotionally_. People keep asking me about our friends’ relationship, as if I have all the answers in the world and would be willing to give them to these people.”

“Yeah, same here. How long do you think this break is going to last?” Hajime said.

“ _What_?”

He scowled. She gaped.

“A _break_? Who did you hear that from?”

“Um, that’s what Mat said when I asked him, like a week after they fought.”

“Well that’s not what Makki said, she just said they broke up and hasn’t talked about it at all since.”

“…What?”

“Yeah!”

“Shit, and she did do the breaking up,” he said.

“That’s my point!”

“Hey, keep it down.”

Hajime stopped at his locker, and she tapped her foot as she waited for him to fish out his supplies. They walked on, eyeing the students around them as they spoke again.

“I just heard someone ask Matsun yesterday,” Hajime said. “I swear he said they were taking a break. Break, I know that’s what he said.”

“No one’s asking Makki questions yet, thank goodness, but I told you that’s not what she said. She hasn’t talked about working it out or how they’re doing or anything. She hasn’t talked about him at all, not willingly.”

“She’s not talking to him either, is she.”

“I don’t know, I stopped asking her about it.”

“Well gossiping about them like this won’t do any good,” he said. “We have to talk to them.”

“We can’t talk to them,” she shrieked, “This is going to cause a huge fight, this would be like a second breakup! Makki is pregnant, she can’t deal with anything to do with that right now, or she’ll go off the deep end.”

“She will, or you will?”

“Shut up!”

“Tooru, this is a serious communication error, with serious consequences for both of them. We have to let them know.”

“Well, _Hajime_ , I’d rather die than bring this up to Makki again.”

“Good. I want no part in talking to Matsun, so we’ll switch off.”

“Oo, good idea, it’ll seem a lot less suspicious for you to ask her what happened. And Matsun, no problem.”

He rolled his eyes. “You’re gonna have no problem convincing a guy who’s still totally in love that this split is a permanent thing?”

“He still loves her?” she cried.

“Shut up, fucking hell.”

She grabbed his shoulder and put her lips to his ear.

“Are you fucking serious, how do you know that?”

“Nothing about him has changed. Nothing about how he sees her, how he talks about her.”

“Well shit. Urhhh, this is so the kind of thing that would happen to me. What are we supposed to think of this, Hajime? He still loves her—”

She groaned, moving her arm to hug his neck as they walked together.

“I love him.”

“I’m glad,” said her boyfriend. “The only way to console him might be for you to act as her replacement.”

“But then what would Haji do?”

“Don’t worry, I’d find something to fill the void.”

“But it’s a Tooru-shaped hole, it’s impossible to fill any other way.”

“So I’ll eat my heart out.”

“You’re disgusting!”

 

Issei was shutting his locker at the end of the day when he heard Tooru.

“Matsun.”

When he turned, she waved. He stopped and she came toward him, hiking up her backpack with a strong yet graceful arm, as perfect waves of hair fell over her shoulder. He snorted. Was this person really talking to him?

“Hey, so can I come hang out for a while? There’s people painting our house so everything’s covered in plastic and it’s annoying.”

“Can I kick your ass on PlayStation?” he said.

“Whatever.”

An hour later she was throwing the controller aside and crossing her arms at him.

“How do you expect me to beat someone who practices like a thousand times more than me?”

“Now you know how those poor little girls you play against feel.”

She started to smile, but then he kept talking.

“So I know you didn’t come here just to get your ass pounded, because that’s Iwaizumi’s job and he’s not here.”

“Shut up.”

“So? Are you trying to infiltrate on behalf of your affiliates?”

“No. I just want to talk to you. On my own behalf.”

Issei huffed a sigh, then leaned back on the sofa, throwing an arm over his face.

“I can’t fucking believe this. What the fuck.”

Tooru let her head fall back and looked up at the ceiling. “I know.”

Issei’s hand slid down his face. He turned toward her.

“Is she gonna kill me in my sleep?”

She shrugged. “Her dad might.”

“Yeah. I’m sure mine will wanna get in on that action.”

He sat up and pulled out his phone.

“And I haven’t got a single fucking message, so apparently she’s not ready to talk to me yet.” He sighed again. “Fuck.”

She was biting her lip and bouncing her leg. Finally she turned to him.

“Yeah, um, about that Matsun? The ‘yet’ part?”

He looked at her.

“Um, Makki—Look, we haven’t really talked about it much, her and I, honestly we haven’t. But I don’t think she meant it as just a break.”

He was staring at her, a hard frown between his brows.

“Like, it doesn’t seem like she’s acting the same way as you. I mean, of course her situation is different, but I don’t think she sees it as—temporary…”

His eyes had dropped to the floor.

“I’m sorry,” she cooed.

For a minute, neither spoke.

“What?”

She heard a forced gruffness in the word, and hurriedly leaned forward to peek at his face; she startled, fear confirmed by the tears in his eyes. He choked, then tried to inconspicuously clear his throat. But the next second he seemed to completely forget Tooru was there, as his head dropped down and he let out a wet exhale.

She was trying to think of something, anything to say, when he burst out:

“Good to know I’m still a fucking moron.” He tossed his phone to the floor. “No fucking shit she doesn’t wanna talk to me. Fucking dumbass.”

“I—Sorry,” Tooru said.

He rubbed his fingers into his eyes, then ran his hand through his hair. His breath shook as he looked at the floor for a moment; then he turned back to Tooru.

“Did I fuck up?”

The wobble in his voice sent her into half-panic.

“Why are you asking me that? How would I know if you fucked up, wouldn’t _you_ know?”

“Shit.”

He was silent then, running his hands up and down his thighs. Tooru wielded her phone and pounded out a message to Hajime.

_Me: UM HES CRYING WHAT DO I DO????_

💙💙 _Haji Boo💙💙: That’s why i didn’t wanna go over there_

_Me: This is AWFUL what do i do hajime_

_Haji: Do some comforting feminine shit hug him_

_Haji: Put ur head on his shoulder_

_Me: This is Matsun he’s not the kind of person to accept that_

_Haji: He’s not the kind of person to cry either_

“So you came here to tell me this, and then sit on my couch and watch me suffer?” Issei said. He wiped his face with his arm. “I knew the enemy sent you. Did you record?”

Tooru scrambled across the couch and hugged him.

“I’m sorry Matsun!”

“I don’t know if a hug from a girl’s the best thing for me right now.”

She pulled back to smile a little. “You want a kiss too?”

“Sure, murder me. I’ll consider it mercy.”

She hugged him again, tight. Behind him she texted her boyfriend.

_Me: How did things go over there?_

_Haji: She’s pretty much avoiding my real questions, but it sounds like it’s over for her_

_Haji: Over over_

_Me: I HATE THIS HAJIME_

_Haji: We don’t even know what happened_

_Haji: I don’t know what to say to either of them_

_Me: If Makki’s sad don’t leave her alone_

_Haji: Yeah I won’t_

_Haji: Good luck that’s all I have to say_

_Me: Not helpful, I’m going to try talking to him mor_ e

She let go of Issei.

“I know my stupidity is tragic, but you don’t need to ruin all your Sephora shit over it.”

She brushed tears from her lashes. “How come you’re still being funny?”

He half shrugged and looked down at the carpet again.

“Hey,” she said, “Do you think maybe Makki—found out—earlier, and she just wasn’t ready to tell us? Maybe she’s known, you know?”

“If she knew earlier that’s an insult to you as the best friend,” he said.

“Well it’s not exactly a secret of the same caliber as her thinking Hajime’s friend is cute.”

“Wow, I could’ve gone my whole life without hearing that, but thanks.”

“Sorry, shit, sorry. I mean, a lot of people thought you were cute, you got out of your awkward phase faster than most other middle schoolers. Anyway.”

“Anyway, you were trying to lie to make me feel better.”

“I’m not lying!” She cleared her throat. “I don’t know if she would be able to tell me something like that so soon. I don’t know if I’d tell her either.”

“So, she knew about it and was pissed at me, so, we broke up.”

“She’s not pissed.”

“Not with you.”

“She’s not pissed at you.”

Tooru choked up a little, and had to brush at more tears as she continued.

“She’s really scared. And I’m sure she was panicking and had no idea what to do. She didn’t know if you would support her, you know, because this is a huge thing that none of us has ever had to deal with before, and she probably didn’t even know if she wanted you to support her. Maybe she did find out a while ago, and she just wanted some distance, so she could think about it on her own for a while. You know?”

By trying to convince him, she had gotten herself about a fourth of the way to believing it, but there was no way she could go any further. Takahiro never would have been able to hide something like that from her, that was pretty much evident from the way she’d run to her house on a random night, and how many times she’d already cried in front of her. But Tooru couldn’t bear to be the person who took all the hope away from her other friend.

“But I don’t think you should bring it up right now,” she added. “For one thing, I don’t want her to be any more stressed than she already is. And I know you care enough about her to put your feelings aside for now. I don’t mean that your feelings aren’t important.”

“Yeah, I get it,” he mumbled.

“It’s just that I think one issue is big enough for right now. And I really don’t want you guys to fight again. Please promise you won’t?”

He closed his eyes for a moment. Then he nodded.

“Yeah.”

They exchanged a look.

“You’re not welcome here anymore.”

“Don’t say that!”

She hit his shoulder, then hugged him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I believe with all my heart that canon Oikawa has utterly obnoxious name/emoji combos of all sorts in his phone, and thus I account for the disgusting display which made its way into this chapter


End file.
